the one about parents

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Back from a personal record of 2 movies in a day, outside. 12 bucks.

Went to collect my gold coin which I managed to cheat from some stupid NETS game called "Roll in the Gold". Well, the coin's worth like 550 bucks, so its worth my time. Clearly, I was wrong.

10A Institution Hill, does ring a bell? No. No one even has an idea where the hell this place is. I got off Clarke Quay MRT and asked the Passenger Service staff, no one knew shit about this place and the lady even looked at me and give me a "Sorry, I can't help you" like I'm asking her for directions to Santa's House.

Next, the taxi driver. I got into the cab and read the place out to the uncle. He turned around and looked at me, as If I was naming a newly constructed road. " .... what tuition road? " he repeated in Hokkien. Seeing this was a gone case I called CA. After swerving the car for about 15 minutes, finally managed to find the place.

And If you thought this was some royal, stamford-raffles shit, boy you are wrong. Firstly the place looks like some old china shop house with new paint. Its mix of colours and architecture manage to completely obliterate traces of its origins. Walking in, I see computers all around, first impression: lanshop.

Then I see thick specs behind the computers. Second Impression: Nerd-house. Finally the lady handed me my prize. Opening it, I was just appalled. The coin.... is like twenty cent size, and only weighs 8g....

After the movies, went home, when a interesting topic was raised, at least for me. Not that I'm being subject specific, but is just that you manage to invoke thoughts which have laid in slumber within me.


Problems with parents, raise your hands. I'm sure almost everyone here has, well or have had (Problem with kids? you shouldn't be reading this)

Anyway, it just makes me ponder how many individuals surrounding me are unable to effectively cohabit with their creators. It just deeply saddens me when people like *couGH*KUNGE *ACK* , resort to blackmailing their mothers for money to mop the floor. Then there are those who clearly feel that the nurses swapped their birth tags with a more unlucky newborn because theres just no way they belong where they are.

I mean, some people say their guardians suffocate them of freedom, are restrictive and want to have a say in almost everything they do. Few even bother to consider the reason for this before distributing blame. (AH BLAME)

Yea, call me born with a silver spoon with no strings attached, my parents are understanding yours are not blahblah *insert excuses and more blame here* I mean come on, seriously? -.-

Obviously, parental controls are not superfluous, they do have their set of intentions in mind, the trouble comes when you dont see it. The bigger malice manifests when you perceive their goodwill in an ill manner. It is said, one of the best gifts another can get is the gift of sight. Although in reality that means something stupid like spectacles or a retina transplant, you get what i mean. When you see things through eyes not of your own, then will you understand.

Then come those who deny all responsibility and declare it is the fault of the misunderstanding parent. Yea, for your age you may not be getting enough independence, but please consider. Trust, very much like respect, its not of a divine birth right, you earn it. If you intend to lie to them, and expect them to trust you, then I'm sure by reading this sentence you see flaw in your logic. As the saying goes, "be the change you want to see in the world", do not expect others to take the first step. If you want to be trusted and treated like a mature individual, then act and behave like one first.

If you think you do not belong to the above scenarios, after very very very careful consideration, then I think you must have parents who are truly not meticulous to your needs. Be sure to consider if you really fall into this category as it is often human nature to self-exonerate.

There's a happy and sad truth for individuals whom fall into this category. The euphoria is that you are perfect and you have done nothing wrong. The sad fact is that the previous statement was a lie.

Lets face it, its life. If you're born here, then you can do one of two things, whine or try.

Remember the story of the two mice whom fell into the bowl of batter? Both mice struggled to keep afloat, for they would drown if they did not. The first mice quickly saw the future of his futile attempts and quickly gave up. Naturally, he drowned. The second mice kept kicking in the batter so hard for so long that he eventually churned it into butter, then proceeding to climb out of the bowl.

So heres the question, which mouse are you?

Then, of course there are those who claim to be the second mouse, but complain that their batter is expired, because it dosent turn into butter no matter how hard they churn.

A dictionary will tell you, stupidity is an object or act of being stupid. Einstein will tell you "The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

Do not be ridiculous. If you fail to get what you want, trying again only defines your stupidity. I'll quote you a legendary example which I'm still surprised they have not engraved to immortalise: curfews. If your dad says 12am, coming come Cinderella is not going to make your curfew or your dad go away. For a change, try coming home on time and staying off the hook for a while. After he feels you are matured enough to self-restrict maybe he'll give you leeway.

In this world, there are many problems. However, there are also many solutions. There exists no lock that only one key can open.

Theres more. Some people do not seem to be able to get what they want even after the above. Then, it can mean one of two things. Either:

a) You trying to turn me christian
b) You need communication modules.

A. Somehow I feel that statement is self-explanatory, however, others dont think so. So allow me to elaborate. Do not ask for mountains of gold, or the stars above. Your dad is not Superman. Unreasonable demands of course will be met by unreasonable retorts. Do not compare your friend's freedom with yours, because if you do, also compare your height, weight, 8-birth characters, karma, tao, blahblah. Please understand. You may be born into a family with different culture tolerance. Some old school parents still are stick in the mud about their beliefs, and sometimes there is little you can do. But question is, like the mice, would you prefer 0 or 0.1?

B. You obviously talk a duck and no one understands you. This might seem materialistic, but your ability to get what you want, most of the time is directly proportionate to your art of argumentation. If you cant put your point across dont expect others to understand. Or else try teaching your dog to spell. The correct word here is "ask", although its definition is to debate. Argue, not with your mouth, but your brain. Do not blabber nonsense. If you really can reason out their flaws, there is really little they can say to support their decision.


Lastly, if you think you've managed to accomplish everything, but you still are stuck in a unfavourable position, then too bad, but realise most of the time, you are in a haste and probably do not even comprehend half of what I've typed. The word here is "COMPREHEND". If all else fails, then it suckstobeyou.


**** Parents ****

Somehow, by luck or chance, or something they call "fate", if you have offspring you are reading these very words then this portion might open your eyes further.

I've always been a problem when it comes to respect, especially to seniors. It is too for a very simple reason, and that is a truth that I've believed all my life.

Respect is not a birth right, its something you EARN.

Look, if you are going to talk to your son or daughter and expect them to comply with everything just because they are your children, I'd suggest you rear pigs instead. It is part of human nature to defy and what you have here is not a slave but a child. Also, whats you have omitted in the fine print when deciding to have a child is that besides food, water and sunlight,a child needs understanding, love and self-actualization.

You need to talk sense with your child, not authority. Using the line "Because I am your DAD" or "Because I said so" may seem to win you an argument. Do realise in reality the victory was but fantasy and you have but proved your incompetence to reason and ultimately that makes you, of course, a unreasonable parent. He/She may comply, but beware of the hidden dagger and the fake smile. You are forging a deadly vendetta.

Spare the rod, spoil the child. However, hit him too hard, and its not only your cane thats going to snap. Bouncing a ball harder is not going to keep it still. Where brawn has failed, kindly try to use the brain. Talking sometimes works.

Sometimes, you may think you know whats best for your child. It dosen't neccessarily mean you are correct. A high paying job? Is that what you your child wants? Or what you want? If your child, even after your zenith attempt to persuade, has your advice fallen on deaf ears, do not be quick blame on him/her or even your spouse. If you are looking for the culprit all you need to do is to find a mirror.

"天底下没有教不好的孩子, 只有不会教的父母"

It is true with age comes experience. You may be older, wiser, and have eaten more salt then us, rice. However, learning is a lifelong experience, as much as I believe a teacher can teach me, I can teach a teacher. Your wrinkles and white hair do NOT grant you righteousness.

CNY

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I manage to outshine my previous record, 15 days of hibernation. This one doubles the cake-size.

CNY Eve proves to be another monument for the rapid degeneration of peer ties admist our hectic lives. I cannot believe it only takes one year to take four apart. Last year, almost full attendence. This year?

The CNY weekend is over, I manage to only lose 15 dollars. This is a remarkable improvement considering I was crowned "God of Gamblers" last year.


Infact, I'd actually won money. But, ozy's dad......................................... bwg, gambling with him almost becomes like a scam, you dont think of winning money, you just pray you have your pants on after he's done.


Yet another CNY, this year it gets more boring, much less to talk about with relatives. Visitation goes even further as the nature of my roots do not encourage "investments" with spontanous results that derive profit from the loss of another closely related individual.


Fortunatley, this year my cousin got married, and brought wangwang along. x)




Contuary to popular belief, this is NOT a bunny


I tell you, she's so fat she dosent run.

And yes, first thing that came into my mind when it was moving was junyi, minus the intoxicating scent. It waddles as if its abdomen is submerged in fluids of a dense medium, like mecury or sth. If there was a imaginary CG ball you could almost calculate the period of a simple penduluem from its motion

she weighs.. 8kg.

For his breed, thats... very very very fat. Its like carrying a sack of SongHe rice in your hands. Skye is so much more... manageable.

Tonned at ozy's house ytd.

People, ozy's house is not a safe place. As you enter the house, it becomes obvious if you look right theres an altar for prayer, with it, a section of the house. However, what is not obvious is there is a GLASS WINDOW there, it extends ALL THE WAY to the top and bottom of the house.

Who is the right mind will build such a thing? Its like having a door for a window in a twenty storey building.

Yes, I walked INTO it. shudap, its not funny.

QOTD
Me: Eh, Soka is a Japanese religion right?
Ozy: .... No la, its international la.

emo mood to post

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ok, there is a very emo background tune playing now, so it gives me the best of spirits to transcribe my thoughts before they amass into a requiem.

Had yet another stakeout at sentosa over the weekends, however this failed terribly.

I've lost my honour as a pyromaniac, taking until 4am to start a fire. Not to mention we burnt like 1/3 a chivas... thts like a 30 dollar fire for u.

On to more soulful things. The souless will find tranquality in the following passage, while the nether will postulate my sanity. Exoneration is beyond redemption, you are not. We mean it when we say we're by you.

As they say, the first of a thousand step completes half the journey.Great work, you've won half the battle, now take the flag.

My beliefs might defer from yours, but I find no courage so absolve myself from the guilt of shattering your torn pride, so I rest my case. Here, things are different, if you find strength to read, I have then not penned this in vain.

Things are mostly choices, there is no end of a road. If you look deep enough, its just another beginning. Who here dare preaches his conquest of a road? You simply end up where you begin.
Nothing is too late.

You too might have realised, you have not yet won our faith, I'm sorry I fail, try to understand. But remember, no darkness is eternal, it still fears the morning sun.

Drunk Alfred

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Here I am, near the bus-stop making my first post outdoors...

The reason is fairly simple. I do not wish for my brain to omit any details about yesterday's great night. It was a fairly ordinary one, with us just drinking. However, Alfred turned it exceptional by getting drunk especially since he used "I have never gotten drunk before" for I-have-never..

We wasted no chance, and did what best friends should do. Abuse and laugh at him.

I shit you not, knowing him for about 5 years, this was the only time you get to sit on him without getting slapped. However, it was Nat and Ann that took the cake by pouring red bull all over him. Beating Alfred up was both fun and thrilling.

Its like bull fighting. You firstly need to provoke him, like the red cloth to a bull. Its like stacking toothpicks up or building a house of mahjong, each taunt brings you closer to requiem. Finally, it comes, he snaps and lunges at you.

You have two choices now, you either dodge the attack, or you attempt to take him down. Note a drunk alfred is a dangerous alfred. Twice I nearly sustained fatal injuries from his critical strikes. Thankfully due to my imbal liquor holding. Nevertheless, we took enough photo evidence to host a gallery exhibition.


Below is a vv glam pic of Alfred, this almost reminds me of a scene from The Girl Next Door.


Hi alfred, having fun?


Actually fatty has nice parents. Even thou alfred stumbled like niggy a few times. Weak.

Prepare alfred, we will immortalize you.

PS: Its not true, Alcohol dosent make everyone look prettier. Was playing some funny game with the FHM cards when I realised the Ace of Diamonds... is... omg. Keller is. omgggg, chio OR!?!?!?


Diamonds are a girl's best friend

New year resolution

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Here it is, one year over.

Exactly a year back I would have been at Hotel 81, with the quietest countdown. Yes, it was silent, but yesyes it was more fun then this year.

Its amazing what one year does to you. Maybe as we age we unconsciously turn senile to time's passage. Its like a baseball that smacks you so hard your nose looks like Michael Jacksons, then richoets off your face... You don't know what hit you.

So much has happened in a year... most of which are melancholic. Tried so hard for many things, but haven't succeeded for most of them, one which leaves a effect so burning it makes your 30 year old XO look like distilled water.

I must admit most of my pre-conceived theories have adhered a self-fulfilling prophecy and transmorphed into full-fledged ones.


1. Pink ICs are the root of all evil

With the pink IC comes great responsibility. No kidding, you lose it its $100

Nonsense aside, more then you imagine in contained in that plastic card. Its like a pandora's box that opens by itself.. slowly. Its contents so dark that you can see Ashton's as if it was dead noon. What makes it snatch the gold from the king cobra is its ability to disguise itself as a cute snowie^-^, obliterating any suspicion of danger.

You might think you've gained freedom, but infact you've lost a whole lot more. Look deeper, you realise you're enslaved by heavier responsibilities and expectations. You no longer get away with a "sorry". Mistakes become like taxes and death... always there and it comes with a price tag. Ponder further, you lose your ability to express and create. You are shackled and bound by what others call "reality" or being "down-to-earth". You begin to conform and not change, you smile when you are sad and frown when you're happy. You cannot say what you mean, and most of the time, others expect you to mean what you say.

It was easy to turn things down, even people. But things have changed... It might seem you have divine rights to do so... do not be fooled. It's but an illusion of choice. In fact, many other things are. If you can, dont grow up... I will tell my kids that in future. Never go around telling others to grow up... Its the worst thing you can say.


2. Only Death and Taxes are eternal

When he/she tells you they will love you will 'till the end of time, slap them. Lies. Their noses will grow longer.

I hope you have lived long enough to know there is no such thing as a tooth fairy. Such things are just the tooth fairy's sister. Grow up. Oh yes, go ahead... disagree all you want but you are wrong.

In just 365 days, friends have turned foe, lovers turned not only strangers, but lamers.

They say blood is thicker then water, blood ties are eternal and Chinese nonsense like: "一夜夫妻,百年恩". But notice, it says hundred years. Everyone know china kids are born with a calculator in their mouth. Don't argue with me.

So before you make a pledge of your undying love or eternal bond, please stop crossing your fingers.... everyone knows you are lying.


3. Lose as much as you can when you gamble, you will earn more back.

This is the most prominent. Sometimes it makes me ponder if there's more then luck to gambling. I shit you not, take it from a person who has generously donated over 200 bucks to his friends.

As of almost 10 months back, I was championed "God of Gamblers" when I managed to donate 90 bucks in 4 hours at KUN-GE's house. Do not ask me how this nonsense happened. I CANNOT and WILL NOT tell you why.

My point is, losing in gambling is not always a loss. I know for sure, because right now I'll bet snowie^-^ on it that I will never be a gambling addict. I have lost enough to know I will never win. The principle is simple... Once bitten, twice shy. Thrice bitten you pluck its teeth out. You may pay ten dollars to learn a lesson today. The lesson will in future save you a hundred times more.

PS: For idiots who think I'm retarded and shouldnt gamble, please refer to point 1. If you are back here again and you do not understand me, press the "X" on the top right of the screen.


All is not lost for the year, no doubt it was spent with more n's then u's. I've made it a point to reimburse that with more u's then n's this year.

(: There, already one u down.

lele! chirpchirp

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Havent blogged for a while now. Must admit its due to the lack of enthusiam. She's probably right, I get sick of things after a while. Sometimes I wonder if any one is even reading what I'm posting. You are not alone, I do realise I write hieroglyphs.

Holidays are approaching an end, another year seems to have passed, this time its in a blink of a blink of an eye. Much has changed, Friends turned foe, lovers turned lamers. Anyway, its a rather eventful week. Spent most days going out and chillin, but Friday took the cake. Of course it was bird bird birthday.

Thursday saw me at queensway where I met the most COCKY storekeeper in my life. Naturally being next to a complete retard when it comes to BIRDS, I asked the uncle if it was possible to buy a PARROT and then get him to help us teach the birds some lines, more specifically to chirp " LELE ".

His reply stunned me. Honestly first time I've met such a polite person. Don't tell me immaturity.. this uncle looked like he already bought his coffin and was ready to move in anytime.

Me: "Uncle, we buy the bird then you teach for us"
Uncle: "你要养孩子你教还是我帮你教?"
Me: "But we dont know how to teach?
Uncle: "学校没教你,只教电脑,就有你这种没有骄阳,没有家教"

I clearly do not have good parents. They did not raise me with knowledge on bird rearing. Ngee Ann has its fair share of responsibility here too. It should be made compulsory we learn how to teach PARROTS to speak. When you apply for a job, they throw ur CV aside. What they want is you teaching birds how to CHIRP.

People used to distinguish your family upbringing through things like table manners and your courtersy in certain manners. That is but history.. times have changed. If you do not know how to teach a BIRD to CHIRP, you are but a mongrel in human clothing.

If not for the fact we needed to find lele sibilings, I will have kp-ed that uncle back. Seriously. This kind of service level is a decree of what GEMS should follow. Scolding your customer always guarantees a sale.



Friday

Awoke to go with doggy to buy a BIRDIE.

Went to yx house to celebrate lele birthday. About like.. 25 people came? I had no idea le's social WINGS extended so far.

So they composed this nice song for lele, I think its called le se. With some last minute practicing. Soonheng did his part by getting le out of the house so they could practice. However, someone forgot to close the window. Suddenly they realised le was sitting on the staircase, and we were like "WTF, where you COME FROM?"

What was most amazing how they manage a 70 dollar budget for 20ppl steamboat, while we were spending like 170 on a bbq for 10..... This has to be the eight wonder of the world.


Saturday

Think we went jamming for the second time.. Nothing really memorable, just that I seem to get more of the hang of the E.Guitar...

Highlight for the day is ozy, who refuses to acknowledge the contents of my blog. Heres the situation:

Smart Ozy ponned work.
Smart Ozy needs an MC
Smart Ozy dosent have enough to visit Silver Cross, which is like over 30 bucks.

So what does smart Ozy do? He goes to this shabby clinic inside Beauty World. The clinic looks so 584c I'm sure you'll be way better before then If you went in...

Next, Smart Ozy takes a queue number. It shows 24. Then we realise the queue number was at "8".

I'm sure you know what this means, and the last patient took 15 minutes consultation, It was a old granny so its forgiveable. Next, we demand Smart Ozy asks the counter-staff if the numbers are in running order. She replies yes, and Smart Ozy decides we should wait...

No such nonsense here, not when you're with me. I called KUN-GE for help and he tells us there are 5 clinics near his house. We left the rotten place in search for hope.. No way I am waiting an hour plus to see some bald doctor. However, our of the 5 clinics... all 5 were closed when we reached.

We return, and the number on the signboard shows "32". This will mean a few things, either an alien kidnapped us for like... 3 hours, the doctor successfully diagnoses and treats each patient with varying needs under 1 minute each, or the numbers were not in running order....

Nevertheless Smart Ozy decides to demand for a "next-in-line" service. He gets in.. and requests I go in with him.

Next, Smart Ozy meets balding doctor. He sits down and begins his grandfather story..

"uh, I am on medication, for phelgme, sore throat.. I have fever. Medication for some time, this morning had to go work, but I awoke with a headache, then now feeling better..... can I have MC with no medicine?"

This doctor dosent drink detergent for breakfast, he knows Smart Ozy is up to something. He takes his blood pressure then listens for abnormalities using his stethoscope.. However, all appears well.

He tells Smart Ozy to stop whatever nonsense he is currently taking and to eat his new prescription. However, this is not well... Smart Ozy has to keep under his 30 budget.

What happens next almost made me break into hysteria.... Smart Ozy replies he has not enough money... and just wants the MC.

However, Balding Doctor will NOT lose the chance to make money, he tells Smart Ozy a series of professional opinions which can be summed up in four words...

" NO MEDICINE, NO MC "


HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA...

Eventually, Smart Ozy works a compromise, the doctor promises him the cheapest medicines with the lowest quantity. This is the first time I've seen such nonsense. LOL

People, this blog contains not just my thoughts but helpful tips... Do read the post on how I got my MC. Don't be like Smart Ozy who tries to be funny and gets owned by Balding Doctor.... in addition to wasting 2 complete hours of our time..



Am thinking of doing my end-of-year reflection, but the timing isnt right... And I've got one more day to spare...

And oh yea. I BOUGHT A PIANO BAHHHHHHHHH

HAHAHAHAHAHA

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

must post...

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Must post... while I'm still conscious......

Empty stomach... and alcohol do not mix.....

.....
...

..


Face flushed, head throbbing... Im gona GG soon... owowow...


zzzz forgot to eat... stomach... burning...

Gin and Tonic... imbal knockout..










Sentosa Stakeout II

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Just finished watching what I thought would be a crappy ghost show on Ch.8

However, was proved otherwise. Surprise endings always catch me. It's probably because of their ability to make you feel stupid by showing you flashback scenes. Its like shouting at your face, " HAHA. FOOL! "

This post is penned at unearthly hours because I was building a moat on Sentosa at this very same hour yesterday.

Went Sentosa after we exceeded expectations by managing to sum a 170 for BBQ food. Note this was planned for 13-15 pax in mind. However, the overwhelming response of 5 people also far exceeded expectations. Nevertheless, still made it 10pax after screaming @ some people over the phone.

So we began our BBQ on Sentosa's beach when we suddenly realised after cooking the charcoal. WTF, no WIRE MESH?

Unbecoming as this might seem, it marked the beginning of a draconian age for our clique. Time seemed to be upheavaled as we transcended the boundaries of space time into like 80000 BC. Wait, I think I see a T-Rex there.

It became like a tribe outing. We started out by having to hold our own sticks of kebabs to BBQ. Then It was decided that we needed illumination and we splitted up to find firewood. Just when I found two planks and thought I was to be hailed firelord of the tribe. Alfred championed the use of wooden stilts, those that they tie to trees to make them grow straight. Don't ask me how that idiot manages to untie the ropes and drag it all the way to our campsite.

Then came the task on hand, splitting the wood. The thing was like 2.5m long, clearly impossible to burn properly. Thank goodness we brought the green along. With a simple "HULK SMASH", LY managed to snap the stilt into half.....


" YOU NO MAKE HULK ANGRY "


Ok, so I lied, we used a tree to break it into half, but you get my point. Here, the tribe ascended 2000 years into time, we discovered fire..

Then came the need for comfort, as according to Maslow. I managed to find a deck chair and dragged it back to camp. Here, I stand glorified as the furniture lord, pioneering the use of materials for comfort.

It was not too long later that our tribe needed further industrialization. Splitting into teams, we scouted the lands of Siloso beach for useful materials. I shit you not, you really CAN live as a tribe there. Our findings included: Firewood, Straw Mats, Chairs, Rope, Wire Net, Chairs

It was nearing 12am, we needed to move our fire towards the waters.... for fear for the gatekeeper. There's this police SUV that will patrol the beaches past 12am, scouting for any form of malicious intent of unlawful assembly, like us. Hopefully, but shifting the illumination, the topography of the land will prevent unwanted attention from the blue/red lights van.

The moving of the fire was a success, as Brian managed to dig a hole for campfire, hereby replacing Alfred's position as the tribe's firelord. On the other hand, Nat went into the Art. Waltzing the sands under the stars with his partner.... Alfred, he discovered music... its called iPod, although his taste of black music clearly didn't suit some of our preferences. It is also at this moment, CA and I affirmed our roles as carpenters by building a hammock. Can you believe it? A hammock, just based of materials we found.

You might be wondering what LY and the girls have been doing all this while. If you are, then you will be shocked like me. They serve as similar function of a black hole, devouring all contents and earthly possessions that were with us when we set afoot the island, the diminishing rate of our food supplies can be clearly defined as a vertical line on a x-y graph aka TANGENT 90.

*Random comment: Did you guys realise we only bought meat? There's like no staple food at all.*

By this time, the sun had been completely obliterated by the darkness of the night, showing no veer vanity of its light. LY was appearing to be unstable and increasingly disturbed. Finally he relented, and revealed his true intentions. The silent beast residing in the dark arcs of his inner mind seem to roar out so loud that it shattered the silence of the moon, its thirst... not for blood, but absolut... vodka that is.

At this time, Alfred seemed to have switched roles and was pursing the fine art of culinary, cooking everything he could find. Either he became more sensible, or that he was afraid by the time he finished ballroom dancing with nat there will be nothing left to fill his empty stomach. Nat on the other hand unleashed his pyromaniac powress and negated the fire until the sand almost melted.

Again you can observe the progression of the tribe. It seemed that now we have more then basics and climbed the Maslow's hierarchy.

Then came the age of war as the tribe began to prepare defences. Our main enemy was the rising tide that threatened to extinguish the burning passion of the tribe.. our campfire. This will not be allowed, as a call to arms was in order, every man piling sand to build a fort, in hopes that the tide will not pass. This is no doubt the age of architecture as one will marvel at the pure ingenuity of our design. The sea seemed to realise they have no chance to defeating us and the waves subsided in shameful defeat. The tide lowered and we were saved. Cowards.

Brian then moved on and awakened his LOTR potential by picking up a wooden plank, supposedly used as fuel, and carving it into a sword. This was done with fire and a metal rod they called "shikai". This is of course, the age of metalwork, as the fire doubled as a forge. On the other hand, Nat and I took interest in the development of shamanistic powers, the study of fire, or pyromania. This will be very familiar to the season WC3 human player. An arcane sanctum and a workshop, if you recall. Tier 2. Do you now dare to deny our progressing existence?

While nat proceeded to throw a lighter in hopes to research what will be the tribe's first bomb. He realised there was an economy of resources, as after the lighter he threw combusted, there was no more left. On the other hand, I tinkered in Naruto jutsus and developed what is now championed as a sasuke tatic, the katon gokakyuu no justsu. Observe.


Call me Sasuke

Beautiful as it might look, it is but a rose with thorns. Firstly, the jutsu user will experience after burning effects on his tongue after the breath. If not quickly treated, may prove fatal to the taste buds. Next, the justsu costs like... 2-3 dollars each time, as per the vodka consumed.... expensive... We both realised the fallacies in our disciplines and our hogwarts was shut down. However, the tribe still needed warriors, so I moved on to metalwork while Nat chickened out and digressed to advance fire-taming.

While Brian was forging his sword, it was but a white elephant, useless in combat. It was like crafted for the eyes and not the hand. Nice to see but cannot use. Then came CA, a new contender in the field. That noob challenged me to a sword fight without realising my degree of expertise in this familiar art. Our first sparing took place on elevated topography, as we fought beside the trees.

The rules are simple, you ignite your sword with fire and you clash blades. Whoever's sparks die off the sword first loses. However, CA managed to cheat and somehow win, dont ask me how he cheated but I know he did, else he couldnt have won.

Humiliated by this defeat, I swore by blood and blade there will be no other, as I spent prolonged periods of time forging my new sword by the fires. However, like all heros in movies, I met with roadblocks, this one which is an irritant. A motorcycle pulled over near us and told us...

" NO FIRE ON THE BEACH "

Quickly, we threw sand and extinguished the heart of our tribe. Satisfied at our demise, he left. Like they say...its harder to guard the inside. Afterall, it was not the huge sea that brought down our flames, but ourselves to save our necks..... Shame shame..

Nevertheless, we will not give up that easily, as seconds after the motorcycle was out of sight, we resuscitated the fire. It was not long before I returned to forging my Excalibur. Finally, it was time, as I battled CA again at the very same spot, this time winning with great honour, no cheating at all.

By this time, LY aka HULK somehow managed to do something as stupid as to down one whole cup of pure vodka. He appeared to be smiling and sleepy. This is a very clear distinction of a drunk hulk. Everyone knows to stay clear of drunk JJC nerds as you will not expect homosapien behaviour from them. We almost had to shackle him to a tree..

You might think there is no love within the tribe. However, you are very wrong. Brian and Dawn are the new Adam and Eve, disappearing under the cover of darkness and turning sentosa into temptation island. Enuff said.

It was now approaching the dark ages, as our fire dimmed. One very simple reason is because Nat our firelord was sleeping snugly by the fire on the beach chair I FOUND.... Actually, everyone was just plain tired.... So I think we slept...

Retiring to my hammock, which I had to kick a sleeping Alfred off from, I napped till the first sight of dawn. The beauty of the sunrise paralleled that of the northern lights in the North Pole. I must have been real lucky, I managed to witness two shooting stars, one blue and one green. I think this is the first time I've see them. Short-lived as they are like the blink of an eye, it leaves a lasting effect of bittersweetness in you.


Chio.

Do you all like have problems waking up? The best solution is to make a big mess before you sleep like we did. What awoke the sleep starved tribe was not a huge meteor that threatened Armageddon, but a feeble old cleaner. When Alfred caught sight of him, he simple shouted " CLEANER, ZHAO! "

In no time at all, the tribe was nowhere to be seen, having moved to.... er... "greener" pastures.. and cleaner ones too.

So we went to wash-up at the toilet. Upon leaving I saw this buggy there, supposedly the cleaners. Without further ado, I hopped off and drove off in my new lambroghini, cruising the roads of Sentosa with my new ride. BEAT THAT NOOB!

Very very fun and rewarding trip, pity to the noobs whom missed it. yo all suck. 4am liao. cool... took so long to write.

PS: New blog song, S.H.E afterall can sing a BIT. I shall watch dou niu becos this song rocks.

I made both wishes for you, so can I get them for christmas pleaseeee?

hL has a nice day

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Today happens to be a very good day for me, so I am in a v good mood to post.

The day starts with me waking from slumber, happy. Now any idiot reading this will know this spells shit, any 17 year old should not have the privilege to wake up naturally. You must either be annoyed by loud buzzing or a slap across the face from your mum. I awake and smiled, then realised I was in deep shit. Grabbing my handphone I saw a 12:20 stare at me. God knows what I've done do deserve this.

Great. This will mean three gifts for me:

1) I will have to burn one afternoon making up s&w class
2) I have just gotten myself debarred from CATS class
3) I will get to enjoy my favourite class again next sem.

Ok, so solving rubick's at 3am isnt really the right thing to do, but WTF, alarm clocks are meant to work. I'm gona buy like 5 clocks to ensure I wake up from now.

At this point of prestige, I released enough profanities to write Harry Potter 8. Its a great way to begin my day. (yours too)

Filming at 1.30, so I went to school, lugging with me a 5000kg tripod. This is one thing I can never understand. Designers from italy make cameras light, expensive, and give nice bags to carry them. However, they fail to realise that the poor person carrying the tripod gets to enjoy dropping it on his feet every 5 minutes, and making you look like a pregnant woman on the bus.

This thing shouldnt even be called a tripod. It must be like what they used in 8000 BC China to punish disobedient students. It has like no grip to carry, no carrying case. Basically nowhere to hold on to. You either wrap your arm around it, or you have to use plastic bags to make a carrier.

The skies were kind enough to sympathize with me, sending tears and making me almost slip and fall. Well, miraculously, I reached. 1.27pm. On time!

4.30 came. I was still sitting there like an idiot with a tripod...

Finally, the cast came and we could film.

Filming went quite smoothly, and it ended. While wrapping up, we played back to relish our efforts. Video was good, quality was fine. Suddenly we realised the thing was v noisy. So I put headphones and listened.

I kid you not, an invisible typhoon must have been behind us while we were filming. The audio was so distorted I swear it makes Rihanna sound good. Present no.2 !

Well, you know what they say, good things comes in threes. So it was 7.35, 8pm had a debate discussion in KAP mac, so went there. Arrived 7:50, early, and had dinner. KAP's macspicy is like a total rip-off. Somehow, the main composition of the burger is like pepper. I have no idea why, but finishing my sprite still left my tongue burning. It was past 8. I realise they were late, and called... they said will be late.

Suddenly I had a v bright idea. I could see a doctor and get a MC, but I was carrying a 5000kg weight with me. Eventually I left it with a nice staff at the counter, whom gladly offered to keep it for me while I redeem myself from another semester of CATS.

As I reached the clinic I got another call from my beloved teammates informing me they were at like Novena, and wanted me to go over. Naturally I gave the only sensible reply. F_CK _FF . Would you like to buy a vowel?

Entered the clinic, and got to see the doctor. People, this is the way you get MCs, do not learn from ozy, who tries to talk alot of nonsense and ends up with pills that make you retarded. I went in, and clearly presented my points.

- I have a headache in the morning
- Now I'm perfectly fine.
- MC, ty.

The doctor was like the best thing that happened to me today. His sympathy and understanding of my plight amazed me. He knew what to say and what to do, his silent emphaty should be the decree of what all doctors should follow. One simple "Ok, I understand".

Medical expenses + paracetamol = 32 SGD
Total consultation time: 30 seconds

Doctors make well over a dollar a second. Don't come tell me nonsense that science makes no money.

Actually he gave me muscle relaxant, I think he heard me yelling at paul outside his office.

I decided to go home, just so cos I was freaking pissed, the group didnt relent, endlessly flooding me with missed calls as I was waiting for 184.

As I boarded the bus, I was relived, a bad day gone.. Suddenly, as the doors closed....

.
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" NA BEI, WHERES MY TRIPOD?! "

burnt saturday

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O'l Almighty lord,

Please help vanquish dementia poor students like us suffer. Apart from the Great Flood of assignments, we have to suffer from festering burdens of an ingenious scam called "teamwork". While we toil hard on the soil, our "brothers" and "sisters" are on F&F (Friendster and Facebook) . When we meet to celebrate your grace, we wait for the seasons to change before they show. When our scalp bleeds from the scratching they supervise us, and try to look pretty. Giggle and smile at you, as if our ideas parallel Niagara Falls and it is by divine rights all ideas come from us. We believe in you, lord, like we believe in them. We trust you lord, like we trust them. *removes knife from back* When you shine you'r holy light to the dawn of a new day, I receive your "gifts" and thank you I'm still alive....Amen.

Ok, I fail at this. Simply cannot bring myself to type further. Was supposed to receive script ideas from 两座山. So I checked my email, to receive a "TADAAAA". And that's all. Script idea for a 6 minute film. "TADAAA", very helpful! Either he thinks its very funny or he doesn't realise its a zero for peer-evaluation.

Had a very bad day today, I will not disseminate its contents to invoke melancholy to my loyal readers like ms chew.

People, this I shit you not. Projects may seem fun and easy, but picking the wrong people guarantees you an "F". Sure, you may be good at picking apples in a supermarket, but that's NEWBISH stuff! *scoffs*

People to avoid when doing projects:

Funny people
Usually people who think they are very funny are not. Good example is rome. Nevertheless, humor is never too good in a group. Nothing gets done when you are drunk on laughter, or freezing if its not really funny.

Flower Vase
Unless the project has a very big presentation factor, or a superficial lecturer, do not pick ornaments. These individuals usually just look pretty, or attempt to look pretty during discussion neither which are very helpful. I swear to god, if you pour water and stick a rose on their empty heads, they can be used for candle-lit dinners.

Wet Blankets
Supposedly Islamic, these serve the same function as suicide bombers. BOOM! Everyone dies.

Timekeepers
These are people who usually makes your mum ask you why your project takes 8 hours to complete. Arranging a meeting in summer will ensure that you see them earliest when its snowing. snowie^-^

招财猫
These are individuals who supposedly are easy to work with. Synonyms with those 16.99 head-nodders in comics connection. Everything is replied with an "ok" or "sure". One day I will test by sticking 5 cigars in their mouth and asking them if its ok to light.

Scarecrows
These are the lower-class of Flower Vases, for ornamental purposes but do not have that X-factor. Simply there to make up numbers, and to make the group seem more important.

Researchers
Don't get me wrong, of course I need info. But I dont need to know who Paris Hilton slept with. Please provide me with something I can submit, not news that Hudgens has naked pics over the Internet.

Young Einsteins
It is of course good to get bright sparks in brainstorming, however, unripe fruits are like young Einsteins, supposedly mentally retarded. If you do not listen in class, do not read assignment handouts, do not possess MENSA membership card or If you know nothing, please find a way to make yourself disappear before I throw a table at you.


Jay Chou has lost all my respect

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His previous works are known to be an epitome of music, however, his latest tinkering has proved otherwise. It has finally come to an end, like all good things, his streak of remarkable sales for his songs, considering 70% of the songs contain incomprehensible gibberish. Yes of course, he's Jay.

Seated comfortably relaxed as a cowboy on a pink pony and with his usual laid back look on his album cover, he resembles one of the lead casts in Brokeback Mountain. Gay.. I mean.. Jay Chou's new album has received incredibly low sales, nearing only 50,000 in two weeks compared to other less popular singers achieve in one. One must feel compelled to buy a CD upon these words, however, a wise bird will wait for his wings to harden before he flies. A few minutes of "preview" into his new album has completely obliterated my respect for him.

Jay's response to his poor album sales was not somewhat honest like... "Oh, Ok, So I can't be a cowboy?" or "I should stick to singing Arabic" but a disappointing "My sales figures are genuine". If this is not a publicity stunt, it better be that Jay got hit hard on the head with a grand piano while filming Secret. Either way, it depicts one of the sad facts of life that when-you-get-despo-you-chut-pattern-to-sell and answers an age-old question: Do you change or conform?

As if my mental capabilities were not maimed badly enough, I had to find his MV on Youtube. People, I will not elaborate more. When you see the MV, you will wonder who managed to impersonate Jay and get away with an MV. And just when I thought I could pin my hopes on the rest of his album for salvation, he bites me square in the ass with song after song of William Hung.

For someone who has been nearly immortalised in the music industry for his works of zenith across numerous years, this is no doubt a very stupid ending, like in DOA. What I manage to reclaim from my shattered hopes was this song currently playing in your ear. However, this too does not end nicely, as Jay has managed to infuse chicken-slaughtering sounds at the end of the song to be considered part of his "music". If I personally could see Jay now, believe me, I will aim another grand piano at his head to fix this sacrilege.

Solitary

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Been spending quite alot of time alone now, you can say its up to the extent of months... well, psychologically at least. The 11th hour has already begun, the year is almost over, and because I'm doing my fair share of emo-ing as a prerequisite for a adolescent, I shall reflect on some of my mental thesises throughout the year.


Children - Hate them? Adore them? I must say this is a rather recent issue that really deserves reflection. It was not until a passing of the kid's playground in my school did it invoke my senses. Ok, so its true. I didn't really like children alot, I thought they were extremley spoilt and possessed logic closest to women; imcomprehensible. Then one day I realised how happy I was many years back and miraculously started to believe I didn't like them simply because of a silent jealously: they were always so much happier. For individuals who share the ghost of my recent past, I'd advise you to be more cultured, maybe take up art, for it is only then can you learn to see more beauty the simple things of everyday life.

Adolescence - No denial, we've at one point of our lives rubbed the lamp, hoping a genie will appear and make us age ten years. Always wanting freedom was a mistake. I think I prefer choices to be made for me. Call me irresponsible, but hey, I can do without the great power spidey. It like that, being neither here nor there is but a nuisance to everyone. I think this is why suicide rates rocket in our years. Someone forgot to put emoing and PMSing under the CIP needed for us to graduate into full-fledged adults, I am clocking in my time now. Dun piss me off.

Friends - Call me superficial, but I'm a black artist. You will see me staring at a flaw then mere perfection. I'm too proud? nono, I'm just downright arrogant >=). Something which I have yet to accomplish, this will undoubtedly be in my milestones for 2008 : Learn to accept assholes as friends, because there is no one else left on the waiting list.

Life - This shouldn't really be here. Oh well. It seems scary, as you grow older. You begin to become more materialistic. Your ideals and dreams seem to be vanquished by the passage of time. Some of us will even lose shreds of moral fibre when we lie in our curriculum vitae. With so much precious to lose, and so much of atrocity give me Children's Day any day. I will join Michael Jackson in his crusade.

Rules of a world

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{null;begin: Nonsensical Rant}



Every system is like an object in a vast universe. Picture it gliding across space without opposition. Nothing works without absolute truth, or so called a pillar of truth. Every system, has that piece, that cannot fail, or there will simply be no system at all.

We talk about life, what are the two things that are certain? Well, the closest you get is death and taxes, which so happens to make a plausible thesis. Sparta can be your throne, but time will see your body turn to dust. No death, no life. Nothing can live without dying, nothing can die without living. Makes sense?

Without an absolute system, a confirmation, nothing is certain, the system fails. Because nothing remains its rationality, which is my only restraint from now strangling non-aethists and smacking them hard on their head. This is the only possible reason I think God can exist for, absoluteness.

Ponder, are now aware of what you are doing, are you conscious? Are you awake, or are you dreaming you are awake? What happens if you suddenly awake, realising you life has been a dream? What happens if you never wake up, are you then awake, or asleep?

Further, a tree collaspes in the middle of a forest. It's sound no one hears, its difference no one sees, its presence no one knows. Did it then happen? Does it make a difference if it does happen or does not happen?

Friends: Do they exist? What is a friend, what is an acquaintance? You smile together, laugh together, hurt together, bleed together. Does that make him a friend or an acquaintance? Yes, No? What makes so? No truth, no friend? So does he really exist? Or is he merely a figment of your imagination? Worse still, do they use slander in your name?

What is real, what is not? If you have not been told you are reading, are you then reading, or would you agree you are knowing?

Many of life's mysteries. There never is a system without a pillar, so how can people claim something to be absolute. So if you have understood what I was trying to say, you will have realised you've just spent five minutes of your life in vain.

{null;end%20}

Weird dreams

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I have to stop waking in the afternoons, simply because the dreams are getting too weird. And I awake with an almost ruptured throat from the pure dryness.

hL says (PM 10:52):or we go MOMO open one chivas 12
nicholas cross says (PM 10:53):how about a chivas 18
alfred. says (PM 10:54):how about a cup of plain water

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Short.Post.

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Shagged. Projects piling up. Thankfully to my ground, forte helps with stress.

I shit you not, over the past weekend, I must have turned into a girl. I'm like menstruating through my nose. (this is the only term I can think of) Every now and then, for no apparent reason, I'd bleed like crap for about ten seconds, then the blood will stop... as quickly as it came. Luckily for me this usually happens in the toilet, so it dosent get really messy. Apologies to those I've scared before Whisper. I know a white sink of blood isn't too common a sight. I found it pretty hilarous until when I related this story to my friend, his gf suggested I stuff a tampon up my nose. Not funny.

Some very obvious cries of outrage, that my lengthy posts are congesting your eye vessels. Okok, I'll try to keep things nice and sweet. Condolences to PJ people, and the best of luck with it. 600 Raw Score retainees isn't something very glam or possible. Do look forward. Life goes on.
S&W tomorrow will see me with a tennis racket, and Bukit Timah road full of tennis balls....


Eh, why you no school today!?
"Holiday! Holiday!"

The fallacies of MCM

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As per cirriculum for JJC students, I shall pen this post in the midst of doing yoga, by breathing only through one nose. This is not voluntary, but a result of an irremovable congestion, cold and sore throat. I may be sick, but you wont realise how sick I am until u finish this post.

Many people have been asking me what I'm studying in MCM. Well, to be frank, I don't know why I'm even there, let alone how my modules will be of use. For the sake of ignorant readers, I will be rewarding your loyalty to my blog with a free crash-course. (Limited time only) Fellow coursemates, please do not read, or proceed with an open-heart for laughter. I haven't written my will yet, and I'm still a virgin.

Because of stereotypical influences, I've been taught to believe that there are certain distinct traits to individuals whom choose this field of study, mostly which are not very pleasant. Of course, you can disagree....and for the first time, you are not wrong, simply because I say so.

Poor Chinese
Terribly untrue, as I am a living testimonial. You will see students from even Chinese extractions attempt to speak english once they realise you are from MCM, after you have spent half an hour figuring out it IS english. However, like in every herd, there will always be black sheep, some which just happen to make out 0.3% of the cohort.

Significantly Smarter
If you think Steve Job's marketing is Crème de la Crème, you obviously havent met the smart chap who thought up of this. With controversy armed as his/her marketing tool, the individual has successfully sold the course as an "by-invitation-only" thing. One such evidence is that half the world dosent know what you study in MCM, but they want to get in. (Or so I think.. See!? Even I've been sold out!)

Assumption : You have to be smart and cool to get in.
Fact: Dawn is in.

Bimbo-City
Till now, I've been unable to ascertain the nature of this stigmata. Likewise, its results appear to show almost a 50-50. Be it my terrible taste, or that God seems be blind in this area. The lands of MCM are where you can find students dressed in the most.... fashionable fashions... too fashionable to the extent you might think they are something taken out of Minority Report. However, the sad fact is that one of the three personalities of a bimbo are not fufilled here. I WILL not SAY. DONT ASK ME ANYMORE.

Bimbo - (Wikiedpia ) Bimbo is a term that emerged in popular English language usage in the late 20th Century to describe an often attractive, yet stupid, pliable woman

There are three distinct classes of individuals that will make up the major consitution in this field of study. Note this is my word of mouth from seniors, and not my ridiculous presumptions expositions, I will post those later, not now.

Nerds:Ner-d:(nûrd): Often assosciated with individuals whom are too engrossed in work, or too enthuastic. Being an A student also automatically qualifies you for this. For examples, please refer to ShengYong. I will consider myself to be either here or the next category, except I dont have the results. You can disagree, but this time you're wrong.

BackStabbers:Bak.St-aBBrS:(bāk'stāb'er): Used to describe students whom have almost made the auditions for HitMan: The Movie. Adept with many types of knives, they are able swiftly and silently penetrate your flesh to leave you bleeding and dying. Only applicable from the behind. See Silent Assassains for disambiguation.

Clubbers:Cla.BBerS:(klŭb'ərs): Synomous with slow moving zombies in Resident Evil : Extinction, they are people whom usually appear to be silent in lectures, not because they are paying attention, but that they have still two full bottles of Barcardi in their blood, and are dying from liver failure at 17. I swear do not light a fire near them, or you will be charged with Arson/Murder.

However, in my fairly short stay in the course. I feel that there are certainly more sub-sections that should be included. This is the part where my ridiculous presumptions come in.

Otakus- Often clad in weird outfits. Being around such individuals too long will make you fear black notebooks. Believing they possess supernatural powers of some sort, such people speak in gibberish only their fellow counterparts understand. Because their perception of reality lies only a thin line away from their Gundam suit, I will advise you to stay clear of the more severe cases... or you will hear him shouting "SENNEN GOROSHI!"

WuZunFans- Basically blind people. Or students that need new specs. Often seen in crowded areas shouting at their idols, such people can whine for a lecture being one hour long, and squeal in joy waiting like... five days to welcome some ladyboy from taiwan. Frequent hangouts include: K-Box, Comics Connection. Basically identifable by shouting "WUZUN!" loudly. This is very much like shouting "Hitler!" and a german proudly stick out his arm and go "HEIL!"

Emo:Subcultural People- No character description. All attempts to communicate with them have been recriporacted with blank stares. Often seen in toilets with razor blades.



Because I have totally no idea what I'm studying, I'm sorry I will not be able to provide you insights to the nature of this course. However, what I want to highlight is a very very useful class known as CATS.

A class where its students are encouraged to think out of the box and practice expressionalism, in hope that they will discover some supernova idea. However, what most people do not know that this also doubles as a training facility of sucide bombers under the decitful cover : Creative Applied Thinking Skills.

Students are told to come up with creative solutions to terribly improbable problems. The best thing is that all solutions are acceptable, as long they sound feasible. (Feasible here refers to using an atomic bomb in Beijing to kill that kid who stole a bun) Students leave the class, supposedly invigorated with confidence that they ARE able to do something and make a change. Sadly, as soon as the last student is out of the door, the teacher goes " HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA, IDIOTS! ". It deeply pains me to see how my fellow schoolmates are decepted into thinking they actually possess some form of power.

Crazy courses need crazy teachers. Mine is no exception. Taken from probably a Harry Potter movie, she is the best candidate for this position. Armed with a face for the topic (She really looks like a cat), and the speech of Dolores Umbridge, she explains creative concepts to students, all which are as real as a three dollar note. Every word she says sounds like an incantation for "Expelimerius!" or "Riddikulus!".

Did you all ever had a feeling that sometimes God is screwing around with you? Well, I do. As soon as I entered my class, I had the joy of my life. Reknowned soccer player F. Terres (I know the spelling, dont act smart) is in my CLASS! Unknown to some of her "friends", this is how her name is pronounced...or so she says. Luckily for me, my cover has not been exposed, unlike Brian, who openly flamed her. I was still able to smile, and GUESS WHAT!? WE DID GROUPWORK TOGETHER~! WOO! Of the HUNDRED's of IS classes, I managed to TIO her. Now how lucky is that?!

Why singapore is such a safe place

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Most of us aren't afraid to go home late.. okay accept for the fact your parents might lock you out because you fail as Cinderella and the clock happened to strike twelve one tick too fast. We all have to admit, most of us are not afraid to stay out late, because we think Singapore is safe.

Other factors aside, I feel the most important one is that we have a lack of competent gangsters.

Why do I say so? If you recall, when was the last time you got beaten up by some hooligan off the street you might have some trouble, others will be crossing their fingers while telling me it was just the other day.

While gangsters in other countries form triads reputable enough to even make officers cower at their toes, local triads only make it as far as the kopitiam, drowning down gallons of Carlsberg while portraying the beauty of the Hokkien dialect at Chelsea scoring a goal, accompanied by relevant hand signals. I swear to god a deaf foreigner will do sign language back.

I shall attempt to disseminate and highlight differences in gangsterism

Appearance
Next we take a look at the differences in a micro-level, down to each individual. The average local ah-beng dresses in tapered tight jeans, always with holes. To qualify as a full-fledged local gangster, your hair cannot be black, and you must have holes in your body big enough to steal bubble tea straws with. In addition you must have proficiency in at least three four different languages, (only keywords) and breathe only through a cigarette.

The overseas gangster will differ in-terms of appearance by class. While lower level "runners" dress very much alike our local pathetic-excuse-of-a-gangster ahbengs, the higher levels put on a suit with sunglasses. (I lifted that off a movie, don't argue with me, they say what's on TV is always right) Even higher classes will don a five figure Armani suit.

Admission
In the section, I shall highlight the pre-requisites of gang admission. The overseas triad will usually put you on a "probation", requesting that you rob that old granny or extort money of some small kid. Only after successful completion of the tasks are you then accepted into the brotherhood.. or sisterhood, whichever applies. (Niggy i think they will have problem placing you)

Then we take a look at the admission criteria for the local gang. (Notice the difference in terminology, gang & triad) Well basically there's like none, you just have to have the brain of a turkey or a deprived and abusive childhood. Just offer tea, down that beer and you're in.

Activities
All gangs will of course have "outings", or so we call, activities. The local gang usually hangs out at a shopping mall, and contemplate on stuff they will like to... lift. After many shoves and whimp-calling. A feeble teen is chosen. Already wetting his pants, he attempts to pocket that new Jay Chou album while the rest of his team stay on high alert... looking out for uniformed old men nearing their eigthes, whom are supposed to be able to catch up to teenage shoplifters. The coast is clear, the teen strides with an aura of confidence out of the shop, thinking that he has succeeded. Seconds later, sirens blare, and he starts crapping in his pants. His "team" scatters out of sight so fast, breaking the sound barrier in the process. The teen panics and is eventually held down by old men in blue, catching up in their walking sticks. Only when the CD is retrieved from him does the teen realise there's a sensor tag there...THEY are the only reason why you see your local security do not bother to hire able-bodied guards.

The overseas gang however sits quietly in a van with ski-masks on. The doors suddenly slide open and they exit, spotting their target. Seconds later, they are back in the van, with the victim. No questions asked.

Ascension
All management systems require a hierarchy of authority, "ranks" or so to say. In the local gang because of their limited activities, there are basically not many chances to ascend to new heights. Your rank is determined by your loyalty as a dog to your gang, and the amount of cash you steal for your boss.

Because of the wide range of social activies the overseas triad engages in, from Arson to Assassination, there is very much chance for a newcomer to climb the ladder quickly. Activies come with credit points, depending on their level of stupidity. Also, honour comes from your abilities to destroy your liver. Being able to empty 4 bottles of vodka also make you respected.

Aggression
" EH, YOU STARE WAD STARE? " This line, recited more times then the bible, is the oldest testament a gangster will use as a pick-up line. Usually the aggressor will reciprocate with similar language, punctuated by a string of vulgarities. The situation heats up, the number of members on both sides multiply faster then Anthrax released in Beijing. It looks like a bloody battle is about to begin.... Then suddenly, one man from a side steps forward, while the rest back off... the other side complies, sending out their best man. The chosen warriors step forward. This is it, it looks like its one man for an army... this was Troy. The men inch closer, as if trying to cut the battle short... their hands extend, ready for battle................and they shake hands, saying peace.

This looks like a movie by Rudolph Maté, director of D.O.A and if I see this in a cinema, I will empty my popcorn on whoever picked this show.

We sail across the seas now, it's a crowded bar. Some people just cant keep their eyes to themselves. They must stare and glare. Unfortunately, his eyes fall on a triad boss. The boss stares back. Unsure of his dire situation, the individual continues, the boss.....smiles back at him. The individual is taken aback, and quickly turns away... All seems well... but don't look now, I think I see a Bacardi flying for him.


Verdict: Be thankful people, you live in a city where child-porn watchers hail more respect then gangsters.

If any of you decides to go into teaching, I will strongly urge you to setup a school for these lost souls on how to be a proper gangsters, but beware. This is going to be no easy feat. Besides the long hours you will have to spend to teach them how to use glue. You will have to have an eBay account, to start buying in some brains to upgrade theirs. I also recommend you send them on exchange programmes overseas to meet their fellow counterparts to learn how things should be done.

Singapore is really growing to be a pathetic nation, we don't even have proper vice.

"...its a small crime... and I've got no excuse.. is that alright?"

Cooking Mania

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Ok, blogging now because I've more free time. Actually its just because I cannot afford another 5am slumber entry. Awoke today with a very terrifying dream, contents too shameful to divulge. Its like a graveyard in my closet.

Dream Journals, how many of you keep it? Its a diary for your mental metamorphasis. Incase you do not realise, most people do not have dream-retention. Try recalling three dreams from last week, you'd probably remember not even one.. and no.. It's not 'cause you didn't dream, you do, every night too. Ok, I used to have a dream journal, its in a form of a blog, ninjas please go find it and read it, thereafter proceed to expose my secretZ.

Over the past few weeks, I've come to realise your dreams, if you remember them well enough, are somewhat random linkages between chains of thoughts lingering in the corners of your mind. The brillance is they manage to piece into a story or scene, and the nova is that you actually buy your own bullshit. Recall: When was the last time you were conscious you were in a dream? I think I shall invest more of my efforts into dream-recall and control, I find it builds you mentally, very strongly. You should try it.


Label: Lucid Dreaming



Yesterday was a fun day. Spent at our dog's house, ( no justin, not you, ur black ). Yes, its JiaRen, he's back for a visit, so how could we miss a chance to abuse him? So we did what we do best....we make a mess. ( that rhymes you notice? ) The plan was to buy food and start cooking, however, we lacked a kitchen, this is where he comes in handy. People, do not let us into your kitchen. We will turn it into war-torn Iraq.

So the cooking was fun, except for the onions. Onions do turn you into a pussy, you start weeping when you cut them. ( I'm a taizi at home, don't expect me to know this ) Actually, its more of an irritant, like a fly buzzing around, juz that this one goes in and out of your eyes. So we were about done with all the food, then we started cleaning up a little. That was when I saw Brian sweating terribly by the sink. I went to look, and started laughing.


Underpaid Child Labour

HAHHAA. You'll have to excuse my shaky hands. Brian was busy scrubbing the pan, which was covered in burnt onions. He was like *omg, please dont stick there, come off*. It was like looking at those maids scrubbing stains off the floor, or the employer will deduct their pay.

*No Mum! I'am sorry Mum! No cut my pay!*

Brian: "I wish those TV commercials on those cleaners really work" HAHAHHAHAHA. He was scrubbing really hard. When it finally came off, after I recommended JIF, Brian was like : "yay, no need pay for new one". HAHAHAHAHAH

And so, after waiting for princess, we finally could eat.


You'll always see CA drinking, never eating.

Everyone please take notice of LY, he looks happy, and perfectly sane... right? Yup. Right, later that'll change. Great food, great place, just tuck-in (:

Then came the red wine..

So it was on to prance on JiaRen's piano, making hell of a ruckus, wrathing our presence across the silence and darkness that shrouded us. All was swell until JiaRen's mom came and said, "Guys I think you all have to quieten down abit, its almost eleven" I was like OMGWTFBBQ, my mental clock was only bidding at about eight.. maybe nine?

The wine had sunk in, you can see more people smiling. However, I'd like to highlight LiangYu, please take a look at the pic below to see the........ small difference in his appearance.



You no make hulk angry~!

Some of us.... like *HULK SMASH* got so drunk... that we were doing stupid things like threathening to wank into wine bottles. The more sober of us took a video which we tried to publish but due to *YOU NO MAKE HULK ANGRY* ... some.... issues. I am sorry to say I am unable to do so.

Well It was a great day spent, eating together is always a good thing (:

PS: Brian, changed. just for you.

For everything else, theres udon

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Packet of Maggie Noodles : $0.50
Heating up a pot of water: $0.10
Visit to the doctor: $37.00
Burning in hell for two hours at 2am: Priceless

There are some things money cant buy, for everything else, there's Soba.

Haven't been blogging for sometime now, apologies to my religious readers like Ms.Chew, who right now as I'm blogging is hitting F5 in fanatic anticipation. It's not really my fault, blogging with 8 fingers just isn't right. So it was a typical night at unearthly hours, when the rest of the city is deep in slumber, I was stirring a pot of noodles, cooking it.

I was bringing it carefully to my room, when I realised the lights were off. Nvm, so I just wandered in the darkness when suddenly something hot hit my hand. In tolerance, I continued my voyage, however, the scald caused me to tilt the bowl slightly, resulting in more spills. The heat was too intense, I let go, and the bowl collasped. I stuffed my hands into my shirt instantly, hoping to drain off the heat. It was REALLY very hot, never got scalded this badly before. My bro awoke from the din, he took his handphone and illuminated the area, to reveal noodles strewn across.

Usually, most burns once you drain the water off, dosent hurt anymore. This one was different. It continued. I chiong-ed to the kitchen almost instantly. The best thing my bro just went back to sleep. BWG man.

Along my way, as the light from the kitchen hit my hand, I was shocked. WTF, the SKIN TEAR OFF, and my FINGERS LOOKED FUNNY! OMG! The cool water from the tap rejuventated me. The burn stopped for a while. I thought, okay, not bad already. Suddenly, even under the running water, the skin felt hot.. it was burning again...

Too pain liao. I took iced water and drumped my whole container ice in it. Dropping my hand it, it felt better....... That was when I took this pic.



1.45am, ouch!


See the blisters? See the skin? Omg..? Suddenly, the heat began rising again. I decided I needed some help. So called my MA. However, that smart girl told me to put under running tap water again. Trusting her SJAB badge (not her, her brain rivals a turkey), I proceeded, only to JUMP in more pain. TAP water felt like BOILING water, anyone try before!?!?!

I dipped back into the iced water, however, the burn was getting worse.... MA say must dry with cloth, so I took my hand out of the water. As soon as the air started evaporating its contents... OMG, you can imagine how I felt. Girls, its like taking qinshi out for valentines. You get my intent right..?

Each passing second proved to be a micrphone for pain. I hastily applied the burn cream to my hand, but the burn wasn't stopping, still very pain. It got worse and worse, The skin tear was already bleeding pus. Went to lie on the sofa after MA say must try to sleep. YAYA, sleep in that kind of pain SIA.

Rolled.. endlessly in pain. The pain comes in waves, every occasional moment, it'll subside, then building up and biting you square in the ass. The burn is horrible, heat mortifying. I tossed and turned, losing track of time...

I gained conscious again, however, it was still dark. The pain was *slightly* better, I checked. 4am, I was burning in hell for two hours.


Waited till daybreak. Then decided I needed some professional help.



8.45am See that nice boil?


Walked into a pharmacy,

Me: "Erm, excuse me. Sorry to disturb so early but.. I have a small burn..."
She: "Let me see....?"
*shows my chio hand*
She: *eyes bigger then my wound* " AIYOH, GO SEE A DOCTOR!"

No questions asked. I left, going to see the doctor.

People, let this be a stern warning, Do NOT endanger your life by cooking maggie noodles. They are harzadous and should be classified under Type-1 WOMD. In the event you really have to, please put on the following safety equipment:

1) Latex Gloves
2) Ski Mittens
3) NASA SuitSat-1 (http://www.cq-vhf.com/Spr06S4.gif)

Avoiding any of these safety equipment is abeit to bungee jumping on your home-econs needle thread. Call me paranoid, its YOUR life you're risking. Maggie noodles risk your complexion, skin, and probably other more *important organs*. "You can disagree, but you are wrong" (thebutterfly, 2007). And HEY, we're not even talking what the noodles do to you on the inside. STAY away, I'd recommend soba if you really need to eat worms.

Life goes on, although typing becomes a bitch. Keyboard training goes on. Marriage D'Amour is 90% complete. Infact as I'm typing, I can play the song with not many hitches. BTW do you realise it only needs 8 fingers, and none of which I injure? Coincidence? You wish, so zhun meh? God? Please, he dosent have time for me (RELIGIOUS PPL GET OFF MY BACK, THIS IS MY BLOG. I SHALL POST WHAT I WANT AND U CANT DO ANYTHING DAMMIT!) The answer is simple, as the hot water was reaching for me in attempt to disrupt my training, I quickly evaded it, only letting in scald less important fingers. "You can disagree, but you are wrong" (thebutterfly, 2007).


My Kawarimi is way too fast, Lee can eat my dust.


Moving around in wrapped fingers is NOT funny, and if I catch anyone of you laughing, I will make you cook instant noodles. Try me.