Quarantine: God's Punishment

My loyal readers will know that once in a while; when everything in life aligns to piss me off enough I will pen what is known as a flame post. If you are new here and not a fan of heat; I'd suggest you read no further.





Enter Quarantine.

Most people think its a movie; but I have compelling reasons to believe this is heaven's decreed punishment for me poking fun and laughing at jesley all the time. Two nights ago I was made to suffer unspeakable torment in silence.

The "movie" marries everything I hate in a bad movie which includes:

- Lots of Screaming
- Bad Plot
- Mass Panicking & Hysteria
- Shaky Camera movement
- Brainless characters
- Plagiarised plot
- Illogical storyline
- Repetitive and predictable scenes
- Terrible ending that makes you go WTF?

I strongly felt that a stronger force above the skies had planned for me to comprehend the true meaning of "Quarantine" by making me sit there for over 90 minutes watching this pos they call a movie.

The director seems to have adopted the Apple theory of life; "If I dont like it; then it didn't happen" to his movie, ignoring Cloverfield's failure. He tries to go with the First Person View thing and having camera shake so much that you probably will vomit less by drinking a few bottles of vodka.

If that isn't bad enough the characters start panicking like shit even at the smallest things and scream non-stop. If I had a stopwatch the movie would probably clock in about 30 minutes of full screaming non-stop thats irritating and makes you want to drag them out and punch them over and over again.

The director decides that like all typical zombie flicks; people are stupid and must die a horrible and retarded death. I've heard that zombies bite people; but wikipedia never mentioned they manage to timothy you.

Quarantine breaks all classifications of known movies to create a new category all by itself; named "Toture". The film is able to make you so frustrated that you really want to find the actor of the cameraman and beat his mum. The epicness comes when you realise 8.50 has flown out of your pocket and the rest of your friends are also watching it. This is when the real meaning of "Quarantine" comes.

Agony ensues and if you are able to finish the film, kudos to you. You are either a very patient person or totally retarded. If I do ever see the actor of the cameraman; I really WILL give him a smack or two to rid his world of a demon.

Pasgacaliiga

Bounce Ali! Bounce!


Original:




The radio room version we made:




Its a little soft, so crank ur speakers.

BOUNCE

Mediacorp extras

Awoke early today, because of the muscle spasms and as well something was happening in school. Filming for some fann wong + christopher tay movie was going on.

Since cab was sponsored as they desperately in need of cast; so why not? Took a 6.40 cab down to see the FMS block populated and equipment rolling all around. Entering the preview theatre, I met juvial, the third year student, and the only one who is IBPing in CTV. Next thing she says:

"Go put on makeup"

I suspected some frequency distortion, so I asked again..

"what..?"

"Why you sound so surprised? Go put on makeup. "

Wtf man, 18 years of my life I dont ever recall powder touching my face. Next thing I knew this young miss was dabbing pastel-like stuff all over me. There are like 16 tones of beige and my face is like some kind of canvas. Next comes their hair spray and all the weird shit. Finally, its done and seat waiting.

Though they tell me I'm some kind of crew, but I ended up as audience anyway. The set was some kind of love game show, where fann and chris had to answer questions to assess their understanding of each other. Fann was wearing some kind of bathrobe and a nightdress inside. So when she took the robe off could see her neck was quite long. I have a reason to believe she's kayan and she actually looks quite freaky and not pretty at all. Quite tall with an albino face, long neck and freaky make-up. eww?

They got us to rehearse the usual clapping stuff. Which only happened for ten seconds. We were then evicted to eat lunch.

After lunch, no filming took place, and as they were procrastinating for some reason. Loitered around and went the radio room to play some keyboard =D.

Eventually, it was 2pm and I had to leave. So came some long release form I had to sign to get paid.

So, they paid me 6.40 for the cab, 40 for my time there, and I offered 10 seconds of my hand clapping. Money well spent.


On a side note, I saw an angel..


Purple angel: A pity your wings are joined.

Neck Sprain

Many things guys do are stupid. Today's focal of stupidity will be on arm-wrestling.

Commonly misunderstood to be a ritual for guys to showcase biceps to their female counterparts, the excercise actually has many hidden layers of understanding; including embedded-pain that bounces alive once in awhile to bite you square in your ass.

Yesterday saw another 5 hour TVPROD class, where we always manage to extend our class hours. It was then decided that we would determine each other's strength. Justin happens to be quite strong, curling 12 with one arm is no problem for him. ( T_T 12 in one arm )

So it starts with right hand, which I lost, then left hand which I manage to win (most of the time) Perhaps its because I'm ambi-dexterous in some way.

So, we went to eat dinner, finish up MM, and leave for home.

Awoke with my maid chanting some arabic to me, she thinks she's speaking english but I've no idea what the hell shes trying to say. Char calls, and tells me to submit my work... next thing I realise when I try to get up, a sharp pain on my shoulder neck. The muscles contract so much that I'm unable to move.

Long story short: I went to see pharmacists, who wouldnt sell me meds because they think I'm some kind of idiot who cannot diagnose his own condition. 34 bucks fly as the clinic prescribes some muscle relaxants for me. Seems like I've gotten NECK SPRAIN.

The irony of this was that a week ago I just did my TVPROD on kayan women; the ones with the long long necks. Went to sleep again after applying some salompas almost my age.

Awoke again, this time the muscle spasms got even stronger. When I try to tilt my neck past a certain degree the muscle spasams come and I'm incapacitated for a while. Seriously retarded.

So my dad comes back and brings me to see some sinseh.

If you recall my post on scam doctors this one will top it.

Calling themselves TCM (The Con Men), these sinsehs are adept at discerning your illness even without you talking. I entered the room and before one word left my mouth.

"Take off your shirt and sit facing the wall"

I was like wtf? I havent even say anything? Maybe its diagnoses, so I proceeded. Next he removed my hand, which I was placing on my shoulder to prevent my neck from turning. I was about to tell him what my hand was doing there when he said.

"Too heaty, curry, biscuits spicy food eat less, drink more cooling tea and eat fruits"

I heard the bottle cap flip open and suddenly PIAK. he started slapping all over my back. Occasionally he would scratch and scratch I swear I assumed he was an enraged oversized cat pawing on me.

Thirty seconds into the "treatment" he starts slapping down hard on my shoulder, PIAK PIAK PIAK, which I really wanted to turn around and smack him so hard he'd need plastic (actually hes quite ugly already). Moving quickly he puts his hands around my head and starts to do the wavy wavy thing. Telling me to look left he pulls slightly, then he said I was being too stiff.

I relaxed abit and he suddenly jerks right, I swear I almost changed my name to lettuce, luckily nothing dislocated. He ends the session by throwing my dad a bottle of ointment. and 24 dollars flew away.

Masters of treatment, they can tell what's wrong with you in a single glance. Opening your mouth is unnecessary and a backrub like this cures everything. Scam-of-the-year...

If I really wanted a backrub I would have at least gone to one of those sleazy places at bukit timah. 24 dollars for a man rubbing my back and slapping me so hard is retarded.

Justin; this is your fault. I don't care.




3 packs, 6 salompas, so how much pain am I in?

Sold Kit Lens

Today marks the day I part with my beloved.. well, you were my first.

You will be missed....




NOT. I'm with Tammie now, and probably your longer cousin soon.

Ants; Interesting

I left some traces of egg while cooking them for my supper; on the table.

Five hours later when I returned to the kitchen I realised it was swarmed by ants.

Its close to 5 in the morning now; so I emptied part of my cup of cold water on them...

Only a few were caught in the flood. Other ants quickly began to enter the flood in an attempt to rescue their comrades. Not all of them shared the same ideal, a few continued to harvest the egg, others just went along their duties as if nothing happened... ok, except for the fact they realise Zeus is throwing waterbolts at them, so they moved a little faster.

I followed the trail to a small crack in the wall, tactfully hidden behind the kettle.. so this was their trick.

Then came an ant that didnt really look like the rest. It moved alot faster for starters, about 3-5 times normal speed; and it had feelers too, was slightly paler in colour.

Zooming quickly across the battlefield, it wasn't long before it reached the flood. However, it just probed around for a while before leaving the ants to drown.

By now, the ants whom have gone into the flood to save their comrades are mostly still; only a few were quivering around for their lives, in search for an escape. Somehow no matter how they tried, they could not break the water blot once they entered.

Looking again, I realise some of them were still busy gathering food. Now this will not do, you cannot leave comrades drowning while you are enjoying my eggs. Not because this is totally un-humanitarian and devoid of compassion; but because you did not pay for the eggs, much less rental in this house. I did what I could do to help; I threw a kitchen towel at them.

This seemed to knock some of the ants on the egg to join their comrades in the flood. I smile to myself, relishing in my success at burying a few more. However, one lone ant seemed to survive, by crawling up the kitchen towel, which soaked some of the water..

This reminds me of a certain scene in... Titanic was it? (Apple you loser. you wont know what I'm talking about)

Moments pass; finally.. all movement ceased in the waters... they were dead... dead trying to save a friend, dead with food for the queen.. only the ant which crawled up the towel stayed alive.


Moral of the story: Don't be a smart ass and try to save others when you dont know how to swim. You will leave my maid with more bodies to clear.


Idiots.

Watch Exhibition

Went for a very expensive dinner yesterday; happy belated pwecy if you're somehow wishing this. No wishes for dawn, who somehow managed to make me spend like 60 over bucks on her birthday excluding her ohana from china.

Dinner was at genghis khan parkmall (or so I think its called) then went to attend the cortina watch exhibition for my advert research.

I tell you the place is fucking awesome. (pardon my french). Located at paragon, its an extravagant display of glass (and money). They created a hall with glass pillars mounting 5-digit priced watches inside for display. Police guards more than I could count with one hand, waiters/waitresses with two and a DJ spinning off his macbook. Size 0 models parade their dresses in weird poses to show off the jewellery. I prefer to believe they are half-orge because of their height, which is somehow greater than mine.

Free champagne and small tarts that you know cost alfred his month's pay. Its seriously one of the more expensive events I've attended.

Best part was we were invited in on a.. mis-informed identity; credits to rz for managing to pull this off. On the invitation list wrote: Lin & Partners when it should be "Retarded Advert Students from Ngee Ann".

The watches are amazing; but really couldnt find a chance to sneak a photo. I guess since is NPNT; will not further elaborate. Lucky ruzie managed to try one on; after we gave false hope to the sales people.

Most of the time was spent going around, acting interested while asking for expensive brochures and finding excuses to skim away. What I felt most ashamed of was when we had to leave contacts to get more information, clearly the "address" field gave us away. No person with an block number in his/her address field can own a Girard Perregaux. What was better was the occupation field; which she turned to me and asked;

"what should I write"

Being the honest person that I am; I replied

"freeloader; unemployed"



Yes. This costs you 22k. How many madjacks hours is that Alfred.?

MAC party + Shisha

Many say one goes through many forms of change into adolescence, losing immature traits in the process, there are some inhibitions I just cannot seem to distance from; which is well... being immature.

Perhaps its my perpetual belief that not jokers, but children are the most jovial beings in existence that my subconscious becomes inclined to cling onto their relative behaviours. This begins over lunch at KAP Mac's where some wise-ass decides to throw the idea of a birthday party for dawn at macs.

For the spastics that have been imprisoned in the basement and those who drink detergent for breakfast; mac birthday parties are for humans whom are born IN the 21st century. Being the cutest idea that was available, I was somehow injected to believe this was a good idea in absence of alcohol; which I do not comprehend how possible.

The next thing I remember, it was Saturday and my phone was emitting enough radiation to power half of Singapore for the next 10 years. Despite my countless SMS-es that were tantamount to be classified as SPAM; many have the cheek to turn the invitation down. What's amazing was that I didn't even inform them of the.. genre of the party. Nevertheless, the show must go on..

4pm saw me trying to get dawn and ca to loiter around suspiciously in the NLB @ Bukit Merah to buy time. While others decide to come late, some try to outdo them by not turning up at all. Perhaps what they didn't mention in Business school was that invitations were like stock prices; decreasing in depressions.

Finally the guests.. (actually only 3) arrive and they were ushered into the Macs to "suprise" dawn. She gets there and becomes elated to see fion and jerms.

Games at macs were.. interesting, while our pride not so much. Nevertheless, it was still enjoyable, and detrimental to my jaw for laughing so much. Quan enjoyed himself the most and he will vouch for it.



Ralph having a good time

Next we decide to go to PS to eat, and since ralph wasn't too keen on missing his Man U match, we decided to absolve our morals and try shisha.

Fabian comes along and suggests a dubious looking alley which I suspect doubled up as a crack joint. We finally settle on a table and a flavour to try.

Its actually quite stupid if you ask me, the flavours taste the same, but it was fun trying to blow funny smoke patterns. Before I realised; it was like 2am and I have spent well over 5 hours there.

It scares me how while others were feeling the lethargy and dread of the night, I grew increasingly active in conversation, thought and actions. I wish to attribute this to the nightstalker-ish element within me, and not that I was intoxicated by the shisha pipe which I somehow could'nt leave alone. Could there be a smoker in me? =O

Just of a few minutes I was browsing Wikipedia when I managed to chance upon this:

"Other research shows that a 45 minute session of hookah tobacco smoking (tobacco molasses) delivers slightly more tar and carbon monoxide (around 5-10%) than a pack of cigarettes"

For the first time; I am actually starting to pray Wikipedia isn't right.