Also, unlike most posts, I encourage you to read this one.
The night begins with the usual PSKs, and draws a recess with apple being interrogated by me and toh. We fail badly, and she ends up leaving.
This is when the supernova idea of taking a G.Tour struck, and we boarded a 11 dollar cab to Lor 12 Geylang.
The street greets you with many neon signs, indicating a clear disparity between its energy compared to when I saw it from my morning bus rides. It was just past midnight when we began our expedition to hunt for poultry.
Disappointment ensued, as the supply-demand ratio was clearly imbalanced. Something was amiss, where did the birds go?! Toh suggests that a raid had occured, and they were taking cover because most of them were unlicensed. (Nowadays even got license for this industry)
We loitered around, only to find the streets littered with roaming men. Suddenly, it appeared. Our first encounter.
Naturally, we walked past it only to see her negotiating terms and price. Nothing too interesting.
Toh says today's turnout is very very disappointing, a far cry from what he had experienced a while back ago. So we continued to walk further.
policemen.vomittingman.desperatemen.bangalateam.
After some walking, we decided to take a break, and wait for the poultry to start appearing agian. It was about 2:30 that we began the walk again, and this time, the horde was here.
Apparently racial segmentation was present, as different street numbers depicted the genres of poultry you will encounter. We happen to pass 17, where the Peso Chickens were. Toh is an ass and decides to make me walk inside, when I kena my first attack.
She was perfectly still when I walked past her, but suddenly she turns and GRABS MY SHIRT. I was like WTF, NO LEAVE ME ALONE.
Did she listen?
Obviously NO.
I walked and she FOLLOWED, CONTINUOUSLY... PULLING MY SHIRT.
Luckily she gave up and I recovered. scary shit.
This was clearly a wakeup call, as I began to distance myself from the birds and prepared to swing my elbow at the next minah that tries to up my shirt size.
It was like they were activated, at 2:30am. The once gender-imbalanced streets started to fill with hordes and hordes of them. The supply-demand graph tilts and I think prices start to fall. This is what we call, INFLATION.
We walked along for a while more...
morepolicemen.vomitonfloor.hordesofbirds
Next we decide to upgrade our plan and go for the viewing part. So happens this guy running the... establishment starts pulling us in. Obviously they are very good salesmen and dont take no for an answer.
There are apparently a few kinds of establishments that run here. Do not underestimate them, I believe they have undergone rigiours marketing courses.
#1 The Parallel Importer
Champions in price war, believed to have Chinese ancestry. They market themselves with the price advantage, offering premium "serivces" to the.. budget client. Foreign produce is their weapon of choice, as they realise abusing the hourly wage gives them better leverage in cutting dollars.
As we entered the house he got four of them to stand up. Twere scantily clad and he starts narrating the "services" they offered. The girls smiled at us and clearly did not know how to say shit. Clearly a NTAO (No Talk, Action Only) service strategy.
Smart move.
#2 The Drill Sergant
Employing local school dropouts as pimps, they believe not only in training their "staffs" with the appropriate skills, and that a team cheer was in order.
Toh says he recognised the pimp as his senior in sec sch, who wore red contacts and let us to this shady back alley where his workers stood up. Another man initated their cheer by asking questions. The girls would then respond with much enthusiam
"赚钱!" "OK!"
"按摩!" "可以"
"口交" "OK!" (If you dont know what it means, its fine. I didnt' too at that time)
There is no way this guy knows nothing about the marketing process and he attempts to sweeten the deal:
"我给你特别的，比较久啊。30-40 分钟"
Finishing his cheer, he turns to us and says
"她们都说可以了，你还考虑什么?"
#3 The Aquarium
I dont know what you think this is, but clearly looks to me like they are fish in an aquarium. Its like going to the zoo to view exhibits. Don't ask me why this turns some people on.
One that we went to even has kinky shit like cushions and random stuff lying around in the aquarium.
Admission to these places is basically free, however, should you want to.. spend time with their staff, prevailing rates apply. As a guide to enjoy your G.Tour, we have taken the liberty to check prices so you do not look like a retarded tourist and get overcharged.
Review
#1 Foreign Imports (Rate: $40)
Pros: Cheap (duh)
Cons: No warranty. They dont get health checks weekly. Illegal too, if you get caught in a raid, be prepared to file for divorce
#2 Drill Sergants (Rate: $45)
Pros: Seem to know their stuff well, translates to good service
Cons: I suspect some of them might be psycho, so take at your own risk.
#3 Fish Tank (Rate: $100)
Pros: Healthiest. They get health screens weekly
Cons: Only for the rich.
Operating hours are from 12:00 to 3:00. Some stores will stretch to 3:30 if you're lucky. Seems like they have regulated hours too. Peak hours are at 2:00 to 2:30. Have fun.
I realise some of you miss my informative guides (Sun Tzu Busfare..etc.) on everyday life tips. Your wait is over.
The Guide to Getting a Good G.Tour
1. Choose a good timing to come.
Police cars are a good indication a raid has just been processed. Supply > Demand = High PRICE
2. No Mercy
Bashing them in the face is perfectly fine so long its not be-kind-to-animals week. Failure to do this might result in you feeling violated for the rest of your life. You have been warned. Just do as I preach.
3. Beware of the Horde
Try to avoid a horde of them, if you fail you WILL be swarmed. They clearly attend leadership training camps.
4. Siam the Smokers
Most pimps (illegal ones) will try to pull you in. Prepare good excuses or you will be dragged into unfavourable locations.
5. If all else fails, prepare money
This is a last minute desperate solution to follow when you did not adhere to my commandments as above. A two dollar bill should ensue the above scene, making enough time for you to run away. Take note though, they are fast runners and will catch up to you in no time.
In all, we walked the streets countless times, I think it qualfies under cross country. Exhaused, I popped into the cab.
In all, we walked the streets countless times, I think it qualfies under cross country. Exhaused, I popped into the cab.
Uncle: " Boy ah, why you sound so tired? "