Rebirth
Press F5 now.
Viola~
**PS: I have an Easter Egg for you Brian (puppy too), F5 enough times to find it..**
19th birthday
On that very same year, the country will come calling with a green suit and 22 months of meaningless insanity.
Growing up, I guess really isnt easy :/
Thanks for everyone that wished me! extra thanks for those who went to dinner. Appreciate it.
The G.Tour
Also, unlike most posts, I encourage you to read this one.
The night begins with the usual PSKs, and draws a recess with apple being interrogated by me and toh. We fail badly, and she ends up leaving.
This is when the supernova idea of taking a G.Tour struck, and we boarded a 11 dollar cab to Lor 12 Geylang.
The street greets you with many neon signs, indicating a clear disparity between its energy compared to when I saw it from my morning bus rides. It was just past midnight when we began our expedition to hunt for poultry.
Disappointment ensued, as the supply-demand ratio was clearly imbalanced. Something was amiss, where did the birds go?! Toh suggests that a raid had occured, and they were taking cover because most of them were unlicensed. (Nowadays even got license for this industry)
We loitered around, only to find the streets littered with roaming men. Suddenly, it appeared. Our first encounter.
Naturally, we walked past it only to see her negotiating terms and price. Nothing too interesting.
Toh says today's turnout is very very disappointing, a far cry from what he had experienced a while back ago. So we continued to walk further.
policemen.vomittingman.desperatemen.bangalateam.
After some walking, we decided to take a break, and wait for the poultry to start appearing agian. It was about 2:30 that we began the walk again, and this time, the horde was here.
Apparently racial segmentation was present, as different street numbers depicted the genres of poultry you will encounter. We happen to pass 17, where the Peso Chickens were. Toh is an ass and decides to make me walk inside, when I kena my first attack.
She was perfectly still when I walked past her, but suddenly she turns and GRABS MY SHIRT. I was like WTF, NO LEAVE ME ALONE.
Did she listen?
Obviously NO.
I walked and she FOLLOWED, CONTINUOUSLY... PULLING MY SHIRT.
Luckily she gave up and I recovered. scary shit.
This was clearly a wakeup call, as I began to distance myself from the birds and prepared to swing my elbow at the next minah that tries to up my shirt size.
It was like they were activated, at 2:30am. The once gender-imbalanced streets started to fill with hordes and hordes of them. The supply-demand graph tilts and I think prices start to fall. This is what we call, INFLATION.
We walked along for a while more...
morepolicemen.vomitonfloor.hordesofbirds
Next we decide to upgrade our plan and go for the viewing part. So happens this guy running the... establishment starts pulling us in. Obviously they are very good salesmen and dont take no for an answer.
There are apparently a few kinds of establishments that run here. Do not underestimate them, I believe they have undergone rigiours marketing courses.
#1 The Parallel Importer
Champions in price war, believed to have Chinese ancestry. They market themselves with the price advantage, offering premium "serivces" to the.. budget client. Foreign produce is their weapon of choice, as they realise abusing the hourly wage gives them better leverage in cutting dollars.
As we entered the house he got four of them to stand up. Twere scantily clad and he starts narrating the "services" they offered. The girls smiled at us and clearly did not know how to say shit. Clearly a NTAO (No Talk, Action Only) service strategy.
Smart move.
#2 The Drill Sergant
Employing local school dropouts as pimps, they believe not only in training their "staffs" with the appropriate skills, and that a team cheer was in order.
Toh says he recognised the pimp as his senior in sec sch, who wore red contacts and let us to this shady back alley where his workers stood up. Another man initated their cheer by asking questions. The girls would then respond with much enthusiam
"赚钱!" "OK!"
"按摩!" "可以"
"口交" "OK!" (If you dont know what it means, its fine. I didnt' too at that time)
There is no way this guy knows nothing about the marketing process and he attempts to sweeten the deal:
"我给你特别的,比较久啊。30-40 分钟"
Finishing his cheer, he turns to us and says
"她们都说可以了,你还考虑什么?"
#3 The Aquarium
I dont know what you think this is, but clearly looks to me like they are fish in an aquarium. Its like going to the zoo to view exhibits. Don't ask me why this turns some people on.
One that we went to even has kinky shit like cushions and random stuff lying around in the aquarium.
Admission to these places is basically free, however, should you want to.. spend time with their staff, prevailing rates apply. As a guide to enjoy your G.Tour, we have taken the liberty to check prices so you do not look like a retarded tourist and get overcharged.
Review
#1 Foreign Imports (Rate: $40)
Pros: Cheap (duh)
Cons: No warranty. They dont get health checks weekly. Illegal too, if you get caught in a raid, be prepared to file for divorce
#2 Drill Sergants (Rate: $45)
Pros: Seem to know their stuff well, translates to good service
Cons: I suspect some of them might be psycho, so take at your own risk.
#3 Fish Tank (Rate: $100)
Pros: Healthiest. They get health screens weekly
Cons: Only for the rich.
Operating hours are from 12:00 to 3:00. Some stores will stretch to 3:30 if you're lucky. Seems like they have regulated hours too. Peak hours are at 2:00 to 2:30. Have fun.
I realise some of you miss my informative guides (Sun Tzu Busfare..etc.) on everyday life tips. Your wait is over.
The Guide to Getting a Good G.Tour
1. Choose a good timing to come.
Police cars are a good indication a raid has just been processed. Supply > Demand = High PRICE
2. No Mercy
Bashing them in the face is perfectly fine so long its not be-kind-to-animals week. Failure to do this might result in you feeling violated for the rest of your life. You have been warned. Just do as I preach.
3. Beware of the Horde
Try to avoid a horde of them, if you fail you WILL be swarmed. They clearly attend leadership training camps.
In all, we walked the streets countless times, I think it qualfies under cross country. Exhaused, I popped into the cab.
Lady GaGa
Bet you laughed hard at 2:12
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Mistake not, dependency for love
Perhaps it is my rising expectations that events become less blog-worthy. Or that most social events were simply too uneventful. Nevertheless, I've finally chanced upon an opportunity to resurrect my blog.
Of course, the caveat would be some of you will need a dictionary to read this post.
I caution another would be it is rather depressing; like a sucker-punch to your book of ethics.
Your morals will be challenged. You have been warned.

The above is a comic strip; which jeremy shamelessly demands I credit him for the discovery. Google xkcd if this is your kind of humor.
Not just like any stickman humor, this brings an appalling question to mind: Do we mistake dependency for love?
Obviously, the natural answer would be "no". However, I beseech you to cast aside your prejudice and explore the subject further. It may prove to be a very valuable lesson for some of you.
This mistake of dependency for love somewhat undermines fairy-tales we commonly see in movies.
Guy likes Girl.
Girl dosen't know
Guy waits and waits
One day Guy leaves country
Girl realises his absence
Girl thinks she loves guy
Blah blah blah
*Insert corny plot here*
Its a clear example here of a case of dependency more than love. A situation where prolonged presence creates a dependency; and the sudden absence forces the realization of the dependency.
The question is posed once again: Is this love?
Is the longing for someone in his/her absence a symptom of love? If the answer is no; then it renders all movies with "The-one-you-are-looking-for-is-all-along-beside-you" plot a lie. That it is but a sad case where dependency is mistaken for love.
If your answer is yes? Then you will question yourself what it means by "love-at-first-sight". Without spending time, there will be no dependency. An without such a dependency, the evaluation of another is prematurely by appearance. Isn't this then a confusion with something commonly mistaken for love? - Lust?
For the reasons that we do not want to venture into another subject matter; lets re-focus our priorities to the stigma of equating dependency for love.
By now, I assume you concur with me that dependency, although a subset of love, does not equate the full perimeter of love and hence draws a clear distinction from it.
If so, drawing inferences from the comic strip; the intended creation of time spent together by two people is, abstractly, creating dependency.
I guess my lesson here today is about learning where to draw the line. So, is YOUR relationship love? or is it dependency?
PS: You do realise this, although unethical, is a devilishly good way of pursuing a relationship? Girls beware =O
Keep Bleedinggg
Nasal menstruation; a new term I've applied to Havard Medical School to be recognised as an official medical condition.
So while I'm happily trying to hunt down survivors in Left4Dead I suddenly feel the familar warm stream coming through my noise. As usual I'm too fast and grab a tissue to subdue it. Blood. again.
Grabbed a few more tissues to stop the flow; but dosent work after 1 minute. I had to stop. Before I knew it, already 7-8 tissues gone and I'm at the toilet.
The bleeding dosent stop for about 3 minutes as my sink fills up with brownish mix of blood and water. This goes on for another few minutes, my record time.
After a while, it stops getting funny as the blood dosent stop. I wipe away furiously only to see more blood flow.
This is when I suddenly got the good idea of not wasting a picture perfect moment. If you cannot see red, I suggest you do not proceed.
You have been warned.
When the bleeding finally stopped. I looked at the bathroom to realise I actually might be responsible for the Kallang body parts murder. So much blood splatted all over; on the wall, toilet seat, mirror... sink..
I'm going to leave it there and scare the shit out of my maid when she wakes up..
Cookout + Cats
So today I went off to get my new... second second hand phone. (all confusion intended) Q9H Motorola; for becoming online on the go. (So now, im truly online)
Later on supposed to go meet at chel's place for cookout so she tells me.. SERANGOON MRT was the closest.
Now if you are any normal; sane person serangoon sounds like some ranger park and the colour green should pop into your mind. Still thoroughly engrossed in my phone; I hopped onto the train for JE. When the train reached the station; another train was about to leave so I quickly boarded it....
A few minutes later...
" Chinese Garden.. "
WTF? Wrong side? It still took me a few seconds before I realised it and bolted for the door. Getting off the train I stared at the map and suddenly realised serangoon... is NOT on a green line?
At this moment another train was threatening to leave the station so I quickly chionged to board it: It was the train headed for the JE Mrt.
My eyes were still peeled on the phone so I quickly gave a few quick stares to ascertain where the obscure land name SERANGOON was. The Red line seemed to have one so I took the train BACK towards CCK, en-route to the station..
Few minutes later jerms calls me when I'm at yew tee and starts scolding me. I suddenly realised its SEMBAWANG and not SERANGOON thats on the red line...
And the above story is how $15 was well spent on a taxi to kovan. I <3 my navigation skills.
Nevertheless reached the NTUC to see them pile a trolley full of food and chalking up an incredible $183 bill for ONE dinner for 6 people... Now if you are any sane rational person you will spend that kind of money on a nice meal at Jack's Place and be SERVED instead.
Carted the food to chel's place and the feast began. There was so much food I swear we could feed ALL of the hungry kids in Africa. The most damage comes from the $21 for 2pcs ribeye steak... which we bought 6 and tasted darn good T.T
Left for jacq's surprise later on... and. zomg. will not even begin to describe puppy's good ideas. Its a matter of time before I start on the fur.
Shared a cab home at about 2 AM. Which marks the beginning of the continuation to the second half of my post. (again all confusion intended)
I have this aged affinity with cats; since young. Perhaps its that cat that gave birth to incredibly aesthetically pleasing offspring when I was an infant; or my discrete liking for beings possessing high intelligence, impetused by my perpetual belief that cats are scornfully smart, I sort of feel attracted to them.
So this resident cat in my block was sitting there when we crossed paths. I stopped beside it, and it starts to walk in circles, rubbing against me. Somehow cats usually do this to me if I manage to get them to stop and play. Now I may not be a feline genius; but this is seems like a sign of affection.
**Google tells me that this is a more atas form of territory marking, they dont pee all over like dogs do. When the cat rubs you, he is marking you with his scent, claiming you as "his." "
After a while it got boring so I stopped to leave, but the cat didnt follow. Suddenly, I get bored, and this is not a good sign. I cannot be bored. I stop and lower myself down to entice the kitty to follow. He takes the bait (assumption here based on gut feeling). Soon we're at the lift. I step inside. He refuses, and waits by the door.
I try the same trick again, he dosent take bait, staring cautiously at the door. I decide to stop and just go home. The lift door closes, he stares through the glass opening as I rise..
Tuesday
Its about 1-2am, and I'm downstairs buying supper. On my way back I see the same kitty again. This time it recognises me and does the rubbing thing again. I get up and walk towards to lift.
Something is different this time. He gets up and follows me around, crossing my path every few seconds. Eventually we reach the lift and he stops outside again. I get in, and to my surprise; he follows...
I hit close and the lift starts to move. Before I knew it he goes "REAOW REAOW REAOW" all the way up 13 floors staring at the door then at me. Not to mention its incredibly scary and I was sure he was going to claw me anytime now.
As soon as the door open he darts out, but is taken aback my the new surrounding. I realise the shit I am in and quickly make it for my door. My only prayer now is he dosent follow me in, because I do have a house full of sleeping people.
Closing the gate I made sure the cat was loitering nowhere near for my door. At this moment, pity flowed into me and I felt bad... maybe I should get him some food?
Another of my not-so-proud moments, my intelligence fails me as I struggle to find food...
No cans of tuna or fish... so... I did the best I could.
Returning with a small ORANGE, I attempted to find the cat and feed him. Alas, he disappeared and this made me more worried... he could lose his way and starve to death...
Intelligence also returned back to me at this moment when I realise I actually have.. MILK in my fridge. I turn back and walk home only...
" WAIT, WHY IS MY GATE STILL OPEN!? "
Quarantine: God's Punishment

Enter Quarantine.
Most people think its a movie; but I have compelling reasons to believe this is heaven's decreed punishment for me poking fun and laughing at jesley all the time. Two nights ago I was made to suffer unspeakable torment in silence.
The "movie" marries everything I hate in a bad movie which includes:
- Lots of Screaming
- Bad Plot
- Mass Panicking & Hysteria
- Shaky Camera movement
- Brainless characters
- Plagiarised plot
- Illogical storyline
- Repetitive and predictable scenes
- Terrible ending that makes you go WTF?
I strongly felt that a stronger force above the skies had planned for me to comprehend the true meaning of "Quarantine" by making me sit there for over 90 minutes watching this pos they call a movie.
The director seems to have adopted the Apple theory of life; "If I dont like it; then it didn't happen" to his movie, ignoring Cloverfield's failure. He tries to go with the First Person View thing and having camera shake so much that you probably will vomit less by drinking a few bottles of vodka.
If that isn't bad enough the characters start panicking like shit even at the smallest things and scream non-stop. If I had a stopwatch the movie would probably clock in about 30 minutes of full screaming non-stop thats irritating and makes you want to drag them out and punch them over and over again.
The director decides that like all typical zombie flicks; people are stupid and must die a horrible and retarded death. I've heard that zombies bite people; but wikipedia never mentioned they manage to timothy you.
Quarantine breaks all classifications of known movies to create a new category all by itself; named "Toture". The film is able to make you so frustrated that you really want to find the actor of the cameraman and beat his mum. The epicness comes when you realise 8.50 has flown out of your pocket and the rest of your friends are also watching it. This is when the real meaning of "Quarantine" comes.
Agony ensues and if you are able to finish the film, kudos to you. You are either a very patient person or totally retarded. If I do ever see the actor of the cameraman; I really WILL give him a smack or two to rid his world of a demon.
Pasgacaliiga
Original:
The radio room version we made:
Its a little soft, so crank ur speakers.
BOUNCE
Mediacorp extras
Since cab was sponsored as they desperately in need of cast; so why not? Took a 6.40 cab down to see the FMS block populated and equipment rolling all around. Entering the preview theatre, I met juvial, the third year student, and the only one who is IBPing in CTV. Next thing she says:
"Go put on makeup"
I suspected some frequency distortion, so I asked again..
"what..?"
"Why you sound so surprised? Go put on makeup. "
Wtf man, 18 years of my life I dont ever recall powder touching my face. Next thing I knew this young miss was dabbing pastel-like stuff all over me. There are like 16 tones of beige and my face is like some kind of canvas. Next comes their hair spray and all the weird shit. Finally, its done and seat waiting.
Though they tell me I'm some kind of crew, but I ended up as audience anyway. The set was some kind of love game show, where fann and chris had to answer questions to assess their understanding of each other. Fann was wearing some kind of bathrobe and a nightdress inside. So when she took the robe off could see her neck was quite long. I have a reason to believe she's kayan and she actually looks quite freaky and not pretty at all. Quite tall with an albino face, long neck and freaky make-up. eww?
They got us to rehearse the usual clapping stuff. Which only happened for ten seconds. We were then evicted to eat lunch.
After lunch, no filming took place, and as they were procrastinating for some reason. Loitered around and went the radio room to play some keyboard =D.
Eventually, it was 2pm and I had to leave. So came some long release form I had to sign to get paid.
So, they paid me 6.40 for the cab, 40 for my time there, and I offered 10 seconds of my hand clapping. Money well spent.
On a side note, I saw an angel..
Purple angel: A pity your wings are joined.
Neck Sprain
Commonly misunderstood to be a ritual for guys to showcase biceps to their female counterparts, the excercise actually has many hidden layers of understanding; including embedded-pain that bounces alive once in awhile to bite you square in your ass.
Yesterday saw another 5 hour TVPROD class, where we always manage to extend our class hours. It was then decided that we would determine each other's strength. Justin happens to be quite strong, curling 12 with one arm is no problem for him. ( T_T 12 in one arm )
So it starts with right hand, which I lost, then left hand which I manage to win (most of the time) Perhaps its because I'm ambi-dexterous in some way.
So, we went to eat dinner, finish up MM, and leave for home.
Awoke with my maid chanting some arabic to me, she thinks she's speaking english but I've no idea what the hell shes trying to say. Char calls, and tells me to submit my work... next thing I realise when I try to get up, a sharp pain on my shoulder neck. The muscles contract so much that I'm unable to move.
Long story short: I went to see pharmacists, who wouldnt sell me meds because they think I'm some kind of idiot who cannot diagnose his own condition. 34 bucks fly as the clinic prescribes some muscle relaxants for me. Seems like I've gotten NECK SPRAIN.
The irony of this was that a week ago I just did my TVPROD on kayan women; the ones with the long long necks. Went to sleep again after applying some salompas almost my age.
Awoke again, this time the muscle spasms got even stronger. When I try to tilt my neck past a certain degree the muscle spasams come and I'm incapacitated for a while. Seriously retarded.
So my dad comes back and brings me to see some sinseh.
If you recall my post on scam doctors this one will top it.
Calling themselves TCM (The Con Men), these sinsehs are adept at discerning your illness even without you talking. I entered the room and before one word left my mouth.
"Take off your shirt and sit facing the wall"
I was like wtf? I havent even say anything? Maybe its diagnoses, so I proceeded. Next he removed my hand, which I was placing on my shoulder to prevent my neck from turning. I was about to tell him what my hand was doing there when he said.
"Too heaty, curry, biscuits spicy food eat less, drink more cooling tea and eat fruits"
I heard the bottle cap flip open and suddenly PIAK. he started slapping all over my back. Occasionally he would scratch and scratch I swear I assumed he was an enraged oversized cat pawing on me.
Thirty seconds into the "treatment" he starts slapping down hard on my shoulder, PIAK PIAK PIAK, which I really wanted to turn around and smack him so hard he'd need plastic (actually hes quite ugly already). Moving quickly he puts his hands around my head and starts to do the wavy wavy thing. Telling me to look left he pulls slightly, then he said I was being too stiff.
I relaxed abit and he suddenly jerks right, I swear I almost changed my name to lettuce, luckily nothing dislocated. He ends the session by throwing my dad a bottle of ointment. and 24 dollars flew away.
Masters of treatment, they can tell what's wrong with you in a single glance. Opening your mouth is unnecessary and a backrub like this cures everything. Scam-of-the-year...
If I really wanted a backrub I would have at least gone to one of those sleazy places at bukit timah. 24 dollars for a man rubbing my back and slapping me so hard is retarded.
Justin; this is your fault. I don't care.
3 packs, 6 salompas, so how much pain am I in?
Sold Kit Lens

Today marks the day I part with my beloved.. well, you were my first.
You will be missed....
NOT. I'm with Tammie now, and probably your longer cousin soon.
Ants; Interesting
Five hours later when I returned to the kitchen I realised it was swarmed by ants.
Its close to 5 in the morning now; so I emptied part of my cup of cold water on them...
Only a few were caught in the flood. Other ants quickly began to enter the flood in an attempt to rescue their comrades. Not all of them shared the same ideal, a few continued to harvest the egg, others just went along their duties as if nothing happened... ok, except for the fact they realise Zeus is throwing waterbolts at them, so they moved a little faster.
I followed the trail to a small crack in the wall, tactfully hidden behind the kettle.. so this was their trick.
Then came an ant that didnt really look like the rest. It moved alot faster for starters, about 3-5 times normal speed; and it had feelers too, was slightly paler in colour.
Zooming quickly across the battlefield, it wasn't long before it reached the flood. However, it just probed around for a while before leaving the ants to drown.
By now, the ants whom have gone into the flood to save their comrades are mostly still; only a few were quivering around for their lives, in search for an escape. Somehow no matter how they tried, they could not break the water blot once they entered.
Looking again, I realise some of them were still busy gathering food. Now this will not do, you cannot leave comrades drowning while you are enjoying my eggs. Not because this is totally un-humanitarian and devoid of compassion; but because you did not pay for the eggs, much less rental in this house. I did what I could do to help; I threw a kitchen towel at them.
This seemed to knock some of the ants on the egg to join their comrades in the flood. I smile to myself, relishing in my success at burying a few more. However, one lone ant seemed to survive, by crawling up the kitchen towel, which soaked some of the water..
This reminds me of a certain scene in... Titanic was it? (Apple you loser. you wont know what I'm talking about)
Moments pass; finally.. all movement ceased in the waters... they were dead... dead trying to save a friend, dead with food for the queen.. only the ant which crawled up the towel stayed alive.
Moral of the story: Don't be a smart ass and try to save others when you dont know how to swim. You will leave my maid with more bodies to clear.
Idiots.
Watch Exhibition
Dinner was at genghis khan parkmall (or so I think its called) then went to attend the cortina watch exhibition for my advert research.
I tell you the place is fucking awesome. (pardon my french). Located at paragon, its an extravagant display of glass (and money). They created a hall with glass pillars mounting 5-digit priced watches inside for display. Police guards more than I could count with one hand, waiters/waitresses with two and a DJ spinning off his macbook. Size 0 models parade their dresses in weird poses to show off the jewellery. I prefer to believe they are half-orge because of their height, which is somehow greater than mine.
Free champagne and small tarts that you know cost alfred his month's pay. Its seriously one of the more expensive events I've attended.
Best part was we were invited in on a.. mis-informed identity; credits to rz for managing to pull this off. On the invitation list wrote: Lin & Partners when it should be "Retarded Advert Students from Ngee Ann".
The watches are amazing; but really couldnt find a chance to sneak a photo. I guess since is NPNT; will not further elaborate. Lucky ruzie managed to try one on; after we gave false hope to the sales people.
Most of the time was spent going around, acting interested while asking for expensive brochures and finding excuses to skim away. What I felt most ashamed of was when we had to leave contacts to get more information, clearly the "address" field gave us away. No person with an block number in his/her address field can own a Girard Perregaux. What was better was the occupation field; which she turned to me and asked;
"what should I write"
Being the honest person that I am; I replied
"freeloader; unemployed"

Yes. This costs you 22k. How many madjacks hours is that Alfred.?
MAC party + Shisha
Perhaps its my perpetual belief that not jokers, but children are the most jovial beings in existence that my subconscious becomes inclined to cling onto their relative behaviours. This begins over lunch at KAP Mac's where some wise-ass decides to throw the idea of a birthday party for dawn at macs.
For the spastics that have been imprisoned in the basement and those who drink detergent for breakfast; mac birthday parties are for humans whom are born IN the 21st century. Being the cutest idea that was available, I was somehow injected to believe this was a good idea in absence of alcohol; which I do not comprehend how possible.
The next thing I remember, it was Saturday and my phone was emitting enough radiation to power half of Singapore for the next 10 years. Despite my countless SMS-es that were tantamount to be classified as SPAM; many have the cheek to turn the invitation down. What's amazing was that I didn't even inform them of the.. genre of the party. Nevertheless, the show must go on..
4pm saw me trying to get dawn and ca to loiter around suspiciously in the NLB @ Bukit Merah to buy time. While others decide to come late, some try to outdo them by not turning up at all. Perhaps what they didn't mention in Business school was that invitations were like stock prices; decreasing in depressions.
Finally the guests.. (actually only 3) arrive and they were ushered into the Macs to "suprise" dawn. She gets there and becomes elated to see fion and jerms.
Games at macs were.. interesting, while our pride not so much. Nevertheless, it was still enjoyable, and detrimental to my jaw for laughing so much. Quan enjoyed himself the most and he will vouch for it.

Ralph having a good time
Next we decide to go to PS to eat, and since ralph wasn't too keen on missing his Man U match, we decided to absolve our morals and try shisha.
Fabian comes along and suggests a dubious looking alley which I suspect doubled up as a crack joint. We finally settle on a table and a flavour to try.
Its actually quite stupid if you ask me, the flavours taste the same, but it was fun trying to blow funny smoke patterns. Before I realised; it was like 2am and I have spent well over 5 hours there.
It scares me how while others were feeling the lethargy and dread of the night, I grew increasingly active in conversation, thought and actions. I wish to attribute this to the nightstalker-ish element within me, and not that I was intoxicated by the shisha pipe which I somehow could'nt leave alone. Could there be a smoker in me? =O
Just of a few minutes I was browsing Wikipedia when I managed to chance upon this:
"Other research shows that a 45 minute session of hookah tobacco smoking (tobacco molasses) delivers slightly more tar and carbon monoxide (around 5-10%) than a pack of cigarettes"
For the first time; I am actually starting to pray Wikipedia isn't right.
Asshole.
Some say I'm a complete asshole. I disagree.
Back from Wuhan and Chalet
More recently back from chalet. One discern able pattern that becomes more and more dominant over each stayover would be that we rely more and more on substance abuse or rather, vice, for sustenance. In this chalet, we call it alcohol.
Day 1
It begins with me running errands like sending the spite shirt to print, then celebrating my bro's 21st with the family.
I reach at about 10 plus to find them already restless. All it takes is some wise-guy to come up with the bright idea of abusing liquor before our night of inebriation would begin. Now if you by now, are still pondering who lacks restraint to ensure that we dont leave the chalet with more people then when we originally came in, then you need to start a new diet. Stop drinking detergent for breakfast. Enter alfred.
Perhaps its his background of No.4, or his inner inhibition to sign-on, whichever is stronger, alfred feels the need to lower the senses and release his inner Mr.Hyde and hunt his prey. Although it particularly ridiculous, it infact isnt. Beneath the alcoholic charade lies a viciously voracious vendetta for vengeance, a votive of vox populi to vanquish the vermin and its vice. (Enough V) He lays low, and simmers the mood, like a hunter to his prey. A little of the bait is used as sacrifice, but such an expense for the greater becomings is superfluous.
Anticipation unfolds as his prudence finally pays off. Unsuspectingly, it enters, obvious to the requiem of intent and scent of death. alfred moves quickly, becoming one with the night. Like the song of the siren, he coaxes and persuades. The plan is perfect, power almost infinite, as it enters the circle of death. He orchestrates the false pretence seamlessly, the pieces fall into place and it enters the dreamworld of intoxicated fantasy. Dazzling is his skill, flawless is his scheme closing on the borders of being enigmatic.
Much like good meat that dosent get served alone, alfred knows when to engage comrades. Second to none in deceit, nat begins his trickery. Not that it was really extravagant, but that some were really too inebriated to realise the sham behind the game. It drinks, shot after shot, diluting the blood and hazing the mind.
It wasn't long before the deed was done. So deep the stab, so critical the hit, wolverine wouldn't have stood a chance. Recovery here was beyond redemption. It was now at the mercy of the sane. Laughter streaks the sky, shattering the silence of the melancholic darkness. Pity flowed like liquid out of me when I realised the night had only just begun.
It staggers, deadlocked in combat with the greatest enemy of all, itself. The force is too great, as the seeds sown began to manifest their malice. Finally, it collapsed, succumbing to the gods above.
What ensues becomes a violation of the Geneva convention and of course much less constitutes acceptance of mankind. I shall redeem my sins in hope for salvation by observing the secrey of silence.
If you want to see the award winning, National Geographic documentary, only alfred has exclusive rights. I will say no further.
This post is penned at 2am with Hotel California as ambient, maybe it is perhaps so that the colours flow and give life to the post. This, even I do not know.
Understand me,
that it really isnt there,
Hate me,
for you have none of the lefts,
Know me,
I feel sin in every tear,
Forgive me,
for what I'm about to do.
EDIT: The CHEL-edit : This is what happens when people have too much time...
In case you aren't updated, I'm back from Wuhan.. Okay, it's been like a week.
More recently back from chalet. One discernable pattern that becomes more and more dominant at each stayover is that we rely more and more on substance abuse or rather, vice for sustenance. In this chalet, we call it alcohol.
Day 1
It begins with me running errands like sending the spite shirt to print and then celebrating my bro's 21st with the family.
I reach at about 10 plus to find them already restless. All it takes is one wise guy to come up with the bright idea of abusing liquor before our night of inebriation begins. If you, by now, are still pondering who lacks restraint enough to ensure that we don’t leave the chalet with more people then when we originally came in, then you need to start a new diet – stop drinking detergent for breakfast. Enter Alfred.
Perhaps it’s his background of No.4 or his inner inhibition to sign-on, whichever is stronger, Alfred feels the need to shed his inhibitions and release his inner Mr.Hyde to commence the hunt. Although it seems particularly ridiculous, it really isn’t. Beneath the alcoholic charade lies a viciously voracious vendetta for vengeance, a votive of vox populi to vanquish the vermin and its vice. (Enough V.) He lies low, allowing the mood to simmer, a hunter stalking his prey. A little of the bait is sacrificed, but in the face of the greater good, it is easily overlooked.
Anticipation builds as his prudence finally pays off. Unsuspecting, his prey enters the fold, utterly oblivious to the requiem of intent and scent of imminent death. Alfred moves quickly, becoming one with the night; like the song of the siren, he coaxes and persuades. The plan is perfect: infinitely dazzling in its power, as the prey enters the circle of death. He orchestrates the false pretense seamlessly and the pieces fall into place. In a show of flawless skill and scheme bordering on the impossible, he traps his victim in the dreamscape of intoxicated fantasy.
Much like good meat that dosen’t get served alone, Alfred knows when to engage comrades. Second to none in the art of deceit, Nat begins his trickery. Not that it was really extravagant, but that some were really too inebriated to realise the sham behind the game. It drinks shot after shot, poisoning the blood and fogging the mind.
It wasn't long before the deed was done. So a wound so deep and fatal, Wolverine wouldn't have stood a chance. Recovery here was beyond reach. It was now at the mercy of the sane. Laughter streaks the sky, a comet shattering the silence of melancholic darkness. Pity flowed like liquid out of me when I realised the night had only just begun.
It staggers, deadlocked in combat with the greatest enemy of all: itself. The force is too great, as the seeds sown germinate to blossom their malice. Finally, it collapses, succumbing to the gods above.
What ensues is a violation of the Geneva Convention and, of course, much more than that which is within acceptance of mankind. I shall redeem my sins in hope of salvation by observing the secrecy of silence.
If you want to see the award-winning National Geographic documentary, only Alfred has exclusive rights. I will say no more.
This post was penned at 2am with Hotel California as ambient, perhaps it is that to which the credit due for the colours that flow and give life to the post. This, even I do not know.
Understand me,
that it really isnt there,
Hate me,
for you have none of the lefts,
Know me,
I feel sin in every tear,
Forgive me,
for what I'm about to do.
A note from the sub-ed: Your post is hilarious – dramatic to almost a fault. So ridiculous it becomes a brilliant use of sarcasm. I have no idea if you meant it that way. But gosh, I was trying not to laugh out loud on the bus. It made me queasy. (Or it could just be the cheap coffee.) Hahahahahaha. I had too much fun subbing this.
A note from me: YOU ARE ANNOYING. LEAVE MY BLOG ALONE. ALL THOSE WHO DIDNT GET UR FA2's SUBBED BY CHEL THIS IS THE REASON WHY. STONE HER !
3 Gorges - Wuhan
Back from 3 gorges cruise trip. Its some cruise trip that lasts for 3 days.
First I want to recall on how heaven bites you square in the ass.
Incase I haven't mentioned, there are 20 of us in this trip, 14 girls and 7 guys. Like gangsters, animals and social gatherings, it is only natural to form "cliques", or rather small groups we mingle in. 7 guys naturally split into 2-2-2-1.
It so happens this 4-star cruise that we are boarding dosent have a 3 bed room. So while one girl has to bunk with the lecturer, one lucky guy gets to bunk with a chinaman, simply because there's no animal that cannot be eaten in china, and no such things as homosexuals and cross-sex bunking.
Unfortunately, for those of you eager readers, I do not belong in the odd number group.
I was just sitting there quietly, doing NOTHING at all, playing POKEMON in class, (bulbasaur btw), when the lecturer decided it was time to draw lots to see who gets to bunk with the china guy.
Suddenly I got this very wise ole meat idea, to do reverse lot drawing, meaning instead of using the first drawn lot to determine the lucky guy, it would now be last. This is extremely logical as it builds suspense. THEN!? WHAT HAPPENS?!
GOD DECIDES TO COME BITE ME IN THE ASS FOR NOT GOING CHURCH, EVEN IN CHINA.
First he lets the lecturer draw the 1 person lot, (recall: 2-2-2-1 breakdown). THEN, he slowly draws one by one, finally closing in on my social circle (jerms, justin). THEN WAD DOES HE DO NEXT? HE LETS ME KENA.
Lets analyze: what are the chances?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ 7 slots.
By putting the "supposedly to fit into the bunk with china guy slot" its (1/7)
Avoiding the rest of the seats: 0.5^5 = 3.13%
CHANCES? (0.5^5) x (1 / 7) = 0.446%
By giving bright ideas, I effectively displace into his position, making an ass out of me.
Its one of those times when you think he wants you to suffer for not listening to "the words". Just like the many times where taxis just dont seem to arrive, some smart-ass christian decides to start praying and the next thing an empty cab shows up. I just bwg.
So we board the cruise, 4 star as it claims, boasting a mahjong room and a KTV. As usual disappointment awaits.. I shall not further my misery.
Back to my roommate... I enter and see him sitting on the bed.
He didnt really have the old-people smell or a face that makes you want to break a chair with.. so I thought it was OK.
Then he goes to bathe and comes out with only his underwear to sleep and I know this was divine punishment for refusing invitation to church.
I escape the room as quickly as I can, for this is the only way I can ensure I do not spend the rest of my life in a China prison.
Luckily (at least for me), some shuffling seemed to be in progress, and many thanks to justin for volunteering to take my spot. SERIOUSLY. 讲真的。
Rest of the trip ensued boredom. No post.
Next, I will attempt to analyze why shit always happens when I have a full bladder.
To reach the harbor of the boat usually we have long long bus rides, like 5 hour kind. While there are toilet breaks, they only occur every 1-2 hours. Naturally, being *experienced* in this kind of China travels, I have learnt to plan my bladder cycle well.
4 hours into the trip TOWARDS the habour to board the ship, we alighted for a toilet break, meaning there was only 1 hour of journey.. a normal bladder can hold 1 hour.
So I drank the whole bottle of 冰红茶.
What happens next? A motorcycle carrying 3 people decides to play bumper cars with our 30 seater bus. Luckily they chickened out last minute and swerved to the side, falling off the bike.
Shouting, quarrels and cat fights ensued while they play the blame game. Nothing much gets done here, except they stall our journey by 40 minutes while my bladder fills up. I finally know how to do Chandru's rain dance.
On the journey back, the same thing happens as my filling bladder magically alters astral waves, making the bus hit some guy while it was reversing to get water.
This time however, no cat-fights but fist fights as the driver starts exchanging blows with the guy who got knocked down (henceforth refered to as gwgkd)
Apparently this was a live demonstration of what our politics lecturer was talking about, the "weak people" of china. These people refuse to work, pursuing their hollywood dreams as they re-enact a car hitting scene. Their laws of physics impeccable, as they always manage to fall down and get hurt, their bodies similar to that of wolverine: with progressive healing properties. No sooner do they claim their arm injured do you see him throwing balboa shots at our driver.
Their scripts seem to be orchestrated with a crew of "passer-bys" stopping to "inject justice". Justice in china obviously has one wing, and its priced at 10 yuan going to the highest bidder. In the charade, they manage to pull the driver off the bus while the gwgkd takes on the role of the incredible hulk, doing stewpid things like trying to crash the bus into a wall. Nevertheless we survive after coaxing from the tour guide. The key was taken out and the boxing match continued off-bus.
If I was not doing the rain dance with an exploding bladder, I would certainly have enjoyed our first-class window seats, complete with drinks and chips. This is yet another divine intervention towards my pursuit of happiness.
Oh.................
Sept 6-21 : Wuhan
Went to Red cliff today, Its actually just another one of china's big parks, other then its now a big attraction because of a recent movie..
Some pics here..
Some random buildings at the cliff
The old granny that lives on Red Cliff
She is interesting. First the dog barked to chase us away, however, just went in for the kodak moment. Turns out dogs in china very well trained... Especially this one.
Some wall fortress..
A statue of Zhou Yu, I think..
One of the highlights is the ba-gua-zhen that we played. Gay maze that took me 8 minutes to get out.
8 Minutes.. Q_Q
SEPT 9 - Bumper Cars!
Played bumper cars today...
Went to lunch at gui yuan, then went walmart. Of course we had alot of fun at the arcade first.
The arcade there is incredible, spending 50 yuan worth ($10) gets you a chance to play those spinning token games. In addition to getting tickets, you get coins.
So got 18 extra tokens, LOL if you hit jackpot can get about 100 extra.
1 token is 1 yuan.
House of the dead 4 costs 2 yuan, so its about... 40 cents a game LOL.
Played alot of funny shit, then got this guy playing basketball.. tsktsk
Bumper cars was LOL, fun. Lack of safety has its benefits, the impact here was really good, unlike normal bumper cars... the pain rocks. LOL
10 Sept - Crazy Girl
Some crazy ang mo girl was trying to open my door at 3am. I slammed the door at her face..
suddenly josh came LOL.
11 Sept -
Went to jin san li today for dinner. Goooood fooooood.
Lost my keys there. Imbal, lucky i learnt to pick my door lock just two days ago
12 Sept -
Found the piano centre today on my way out of school.. WOOOO!
When the people saw me they started screaming LOL
Went out for lunch then later went to han zheng jie again. However, wanted to save money so we took a bus and ended up god knows where... in another part of han zheng jie. Simply put, we were lost.
Sandy called then wanted to ask us about where we were. Not only her, but she has this irritating habit of passing the phone to someone else before im done talking, like its some kind of baton race, so i just scolded the next person whom she passed to.
" WHY YOU LIKE TO KEEP ON PASSING THE PHONE AROUND? "
" I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF AGAIN LIKE AN IDIOT, DOES IT MAKE SENSE?!"
Returned to Jin San Li for dinner again, where we paid the extravagant 45 yuan T_T
Went back to play guitar in yuxian's room when mrs sng said her internet was malfunctioning again.
Upon reaching her room suddenly, they started laughing and telling me about earlier in the morning the phone call. Apparently it was her they put thru LOL. GG LIAO HGAHAHHAHAA
Chel called, saying someone i needed to meet, so I went to the convenince store.
Enter james. He was sitting there with chel fion and jerms, so the girls didnt want to drink, and we helped them finish. He apparently, wasnt too happy. Either he was too horny or he was drunk, probably both. Finishing his cup, he unleashed a burp. Naturally I followed, thats when they said we were alike -____-.
Jerms fion and chel left, while I continued "interacting' with them. I got the impression they were trying to screw my ass after I was drunk, since they kept pouring cup after cup for me, then keep on gan-being where i had to finish.....
Nevertheless, escaped after like 6 cups. T_T
14 Sept
Mid autum fest today, went out to look for gu zhuang, but started having fever and nausea.
Left at lunch even without touching the food, slept in and out.... but still didnt feel too good.
KX asked me to emcee the event im like -_-!?
Eventually did it anyway, was really comical but yea..
Setting off the KongMing lantern. It floats.
the highlight event of the day was the fireworks bought by jerms.
SERIOUSLY. PA LING. THIS TIME DIDNT GET GOOD SHOTS. SO NVM, WILL POST AGAIN WHEN WE MANAGE TO SET WUHAN ON FIRE WITH LIKE 1000 FIREWORKS.
BOOOM!
Went to eat golden han's....
The queuing part was the most funny as u can seriously see the difference between chinese nationals and singaporeans.
First, the queue was retarded as today happened to be the congregation of a sunday, public holiday, mid-autum festival and unofficial "valentines day" in china.
What is usually an empty restaurant became a fullhouse +++.
For 38 yuan, or about 8 SGD, you get a carnivorous buffet. SERIOUSLY PA LING.
Suddenly, the crowd started coming in, the influx of people was like they were giving free food.
Their crowd control was terrible, having no fixed order of priority.
They split the queuing system into tables, means like there was a queue for 1 table, which could seat 2 people, and 2 tables, which could seat 4 people.
You had to get a queue number, and wait for your number to be called. This is where the fun starts.
First I see alot of nerdy looking guys around, SERIOUSLY. By nerd I mean NERD NERD. Then theres this male dominance effect there.
While waiting, there was a chair so a guy sat down, while letting his girlfriend stand. Chivalrous right? LOL. i saw liao was like WTF
Then, there was this guy, who was very tall, and looked like a farmer. Our queue number was 15, and I saw his was like 40. It was damn funny cos the queue was moving at like 5 minutes for a table.
He tapped the attendant and said, "Eh, 我这样等不好吧?"
LOL. LIKE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT U WHEN THERE ARE LIKE 20+ PEOPLE AHEAD!? HAHHAHAHAH
21 Sept
Will only be updating entries worth updating now.
Back from Wudang. nice place. Alot of climbing, cheap cha-ye dans. beautiful scenery. lots of steps... did I mention alot of steps?
Stayed one night at wudang, at the height of the clouds.. not kidding.
All day long and night its mist around, I have to wipe my specs and camera lens every few minutes, the water keeps condensing on the lenses.
At least the half hour cable car ride was awesome.
5 hour bus ride thru and fro... very T.T
The red cloth hanging..
Flowers..
More Flowers...
Still more flowers...
On a side-note, this trip really seems to reveal many secretX.... it kind of shows what time does to people congregated in a small group.
My advice is, better watch your gf/bf's when they go on 6 week immersions... no shitting here.
Welcome to wuhan - the land of a thousand scandals.
